Joy

Yesterday was a very stressful day, some customer was in front of me hurling insults at all our ancestors and descendants to come, the Nigerian in me kept silently whispering BACK TO SENDER, because God forbid I let a curse hit me without returning it to the sender. I said so many “back to sender” that I am sure I have returned all the world’s curses back to their sender 😂. A couple of minutes after I said my one millionth back to sender, some courier guy comes in with a package for me, it was an invitation card to a wedding, a small note attached to this card reads “Thank you for been there for me”. It was from an old friend back in school days, let’s call this friend Joy. Back when I was still a good girl (I still am, If you don’t believe me, well 🤘), joy was one of my friends, it won’t be a lie if I were to say I was her only friend. We lived in the same hostel and initially we we weren’t close, she was aggressive, rude and had fought with almost everyone in the hostel, you see joy was a lady of the night, plying her trade so openly without shame and with every report I heard about her, I started to prepare my mind for when it would be my turn but that turn never came, I guess she knew I was a (MAD), tough person amidst my broad smiles and good cheers and she steered clear off my path, I began to develop a bit of hatred for her even though she had never wronged me. Time would pass, several evenings of puff puff pass session with the girls in my hostel and our friendship started to blossom. I found out the girls were trying to rub her nose in, just because she was a “ho” and she wouldn’t have any of it.
As our friendship grew, I began to loose friends, some would come to me asking “what are you doing with this “ashawo” girl, stay away from her before people put you in the same category from her”. I would always reply some of the girls who came to me “aunty you sef be ashawo o, that your boyfriend that’s knacking you 27 different styles in 24 hours is not your husband, the only difference is that love is your own currency but for Joy, its physical cash, let’s be guided please. (for international readers, ashawo is a nigerian slang for prostitute).

I didn’t care about her peccadilloes and the way I counselled her and handled our friendship separating that part of her life from our friendship made her open up to me like a summer flower. She didn’t have the kind of “privileged” upbringing that some of us had,Dad was abusive, mum was a Nymphomaniac who constantly slept with every neighbour’s husband, issues arising from this made them move constantly.
I called her immediately, screaming with excitement to the chagrin of my annoyed customer. My first question was “does he know” and she said “Yes, I told him everything, he was even my customer 6 years ago and since then he has been on my case but I felt who would want anything to do with me? I just started seeing him like 2 years back”
A feeling of joy surged through me like a tidal wave because her husband to be heard about her past from her. When you are getting married to someone, you inherit his/her history, the events as well as the people. The past lovers and heartbreaks. Yes, it’s the whole package and it’s probably best you are fully aware of everything before proceeding, so you don’t end up surprised.

Some of you grew up in loving homes. You were carefully reared, and you had a good life, good education, grew up in the church.
But some others grew up in broken homes, raised in the slums where they were exposed to different vices, they didn’t have caring family and their mothers and fathers were not always there, some of them grew up as orphans. Some of them didn’t have good education, finish school, and didn’t grow up in church. Some were sexually or physically abused/molested by strangers or family members, fatherless, motherless, rejected and were the black sheep of their families.
May be that guy you are looking down on didn’t have the same opportunity like you, may be that girl you can’t be seen with never experienced Love in her family and that’s why she’s been taken advantage of and called a cheerful giver. You cannot judge a person’s life unless you know their beginning and their end and unless you lived the life they lived, and walked their path.

If you think avoiding people or discriminating against them will change them, newsflash, it won’t! The way you go about your life, the examples you show and the way you treat them will create a resounding change far greater than your finger pointing will.
We talked a lot and I got up and walked past my customer, heading to the restroom, laughing hysterically just to pepper my customer and show her that “I can never be cursed, my life is full of Joy”

The Lesson here is stop discriminating people because of their status or flaws, I choose to be understanding and compassionate when it comes to the lives of ‘sinners’ of which I am Chief, you should do the same too!
I don’t know who’s reading this, you might have been called a Good for nothing, lowlife, useless, poor, degenerate etc, I just want to let you know that…YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER YET.