Every time I come across an RIP picture or post of a very young person, it reminds me of the fragility of life and how all our chasing comes to an abrupt end. The competitions don’t make sense anymore. The fashion. The gadgets, creativity, cars, houses, everything just don’t make sense at that point.
When I was in an accident last year and the car was a write off, I thought that was the end for me. A sharp glass from the broken windscreen pierced through my arm, rupturing a vein. Another glass just by my stomach and another on my leg, my head had a cut bleeding into my eye, my dress felt sticky to my back, I could see the blood gushing out like water from a burst pipe, i had only one functioning hand and i was bleeding from 4 places. “HELP ME, PLEASE HELP ME”. I knew I was screaming, silentIy; the sounds of the “eh ya, sorry, haa see blood oo, this girl fit die o, make una help her na” everyone sent their sympathies from far, afraid of the blood as it was spurting out of me, I think I died for a few minutes because I woke up to myself being stitched. At that moment, nothing made sense; absolutely nothing. I didn’t care in the world for anything but my breath. I looked death in the eye and I was desperate to live. I wasn’t strong enough to mutter any word, but deep down inside me, I knew I needed to live.
Many times during the course of my life, I have contemplated suicide, but the one thing that stops me is the “ripple effect” of that action, my mother would end up depressed, blaming herself everyday for not knowing, she would end up killing herself and so might my brother and sister. The devastation would drive them insane.
The day I stared death in the face, I knew Living was so much easier, no matter how tough it might be, death is such a lonely process much like Living by the bay all by yourself.
The moment I could use my hands, I resumed writing here on meafterdarkk like nothing happened, just grateful for the life and second opportunity I had been granted.
I wanted nothing more than to return to my original state
… I wanted nothing more than for things to return to its original state, it didn’t matter if it was a depressed original state, even that was way better than this.
I was grateful for life, grateful for all things that didn’t seem to matter to me initially, i was grateful for everyone that came to interact with me virtually or physically.
A couple of days ago, I read on the net about a Djxgee that took his Life, I was sad for him, his children, his wife but most especially him, the excruciating pain his last moments were, the tears in his eyes as he typed his last words on instagram, the pain in his stomach from the insecticide he drank. Life is indeed fragile and Pain always runs deep. Please check on your loved ones as often as you can!
This is a new year and I would love for us to learn, Next time you read someone vent on social media, next time you see someone beg on social media, next time you see someone cry for help on social media, seek attention, for companionship or anything else, look away if you can’t render any help, either material, conversational, companionship or the likes. Don’t bully them to silence, with the “You are not the only one suffering”line. Don’t judge them. Don’t mock them. Because you never know what they are having to deal with. There are many Djxgee around and social media is a great escape for so many harsh realities. Here is the only place where some people can be their entire self expressively. Leave people be.
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