Heartbreak comes to you irrespective of size, status or faith. It breaks you apart from the seams and stands aside to watch you as every iota of your You-ness dissipates. “We are so sorry for your loss”- Agatha and her husband said. I nodded but I couldn’t remember what else they said.
I was scanning the room, watching people as they laughed, eating the pie some of my neighbours brought. My eyes caught John’s sister in the corner, she sat on a chair close to some of Johnny’s colleagues, she looked twenty years older, I guess pain does that to you.
I turned my face as I saw Zach running across the room with his best friend, oblivious of what had befallen us.
Suddenly the room fell quiet… Even Zach had stopped running, I turned to look at the door to see if someone just walked in but there was nobody there.
It had dawned on everyone amidst the food and laughter, the reason why we gathered. The solemn look on their faces showed that my husband Johnny was loved by many. “I am so sorry for your loss” – sandy my neighbour said, a fake smile on her face. I wondered if she ever cried, she seemed to have it together all the god damn time. “He was such a sweet man Liz, may his soul rest in peace” – Anne said, she was a sweet lady and at one point, I felt she was coming onto John.
As they walked away, all I felt in my heart was anger, I was angry at John; I had begged the bastard to not leave me alone with our children. We were in our 50’s and we recently adopted Zach (6) and Emily (5) after many years of trying. How would I cope without him? A tear escaped my eyes and Emily stretched her hands to wipe it off. “Don’t cry mama, I love you”. All these time, she was seated there, somehow sharing my pain but I didn’t even know. I couldn’t remember anything, pain and heartbreak had torn me apart and I wasn’t, couldn’t think straight. “I love you too” – I said.
“Would you like some tea” – Anne asked. Since john’s passing three years ago, we had gotten close. At every time when I had thought to take my life, she was always at the door, ringing the doorbell persistently and asking me to taste some new recipe she just made. It got to a point; I had to ask her if she had a camera in my house. “I just don’t want you to be alone” – she would say “I know what it feels like to lose a partner, I have been here, where you are right now, I know the things I thought about, I gave up, life meant nothing anymore to me” – Anne said, she sought to bring me calm but I just wasn’t in for it.
I was stressed half the time; before john passed away, I didn’t have a job. With his passing, I needed to get one to cover our mortgage payments and the children’s fees. It was hard, really hard without John and many times, I thought to just end it all.
Anne was a big help, she helped watch my children and never complained, she could somehow tell when I needed to rest and she would show up at my door, candy in hand, ready to whisk the children away to her place. She was truly God- sent.
Eight months after I fully paid off our house mortgage, Anne introduced me to a phrasebook page she was on. She was so into the social media scene and was always going out on dates, I, on the other hand, felt old and rusty, which is why a couple of months later when Daniel a Soldier stationed in Africa began to pay close attention to me, I fell hopelessly in love with him.
He would write to me every morning before setting out for work, he was very good looking and I always wondered what he saw in me. He was very caring, very kind, and would always ask about my kids, something I knew would make most men his age uncomfortable.
Daniel was just 38 but we shared a very close bond, he would send me pictures of his you know what and he would request that I send mine. He was so in love with me, he would tell me “I love you very much Liz, I don’t want to cheat on you, you are so beautiful, you have a great body” – I knew I didn’t have a great body, I was 55, I’m white, my boobs are saggy and barely have any fat left in them, my vagina… ooh that’s a story for another day. Every time I finished speaking to Daniel, I always felt great, it was like the world revolved around me, it was usually a brief call because he was such a busy man, he would say “I just called to tell you how much I love you, I have to go now babe, Duty calls”
I was so proud of him; he was the best thing to ever happen to me. I laughed more now; I would go out to the salon just to get my hair done, so I could send him more sexy pictures of me. Even Anne and my children could see that I was happy. “Hi babe” – Daniel said, one day.
“Hey” – I replied, Daniel, had a deep middle eastern accent and one time I asked him, he said it was because that’s where he had worked all his life.
“I want to ask you a question” – Daniel said, he sounded serious and my heart began to race, was he about to break up with me, I thought.
“Can I trust you”- Daniel asked
“Yes my love, you can” – I said. “So a couple of my fellow soldiers stationed here with me, we have been doing some work on the side, it’s totally cool and we are allowed to. Africa has a lot of ornaments and precious stones and during some of our work; we pick them up from the floor and ship it out when the supplies chopper leaves to get more supplies. I love you Liz and I was thinking instead of receiving the payments while I am still in Africa and not being able to access it, I want all my payments to be sent to you. You will be my wife soon, and I want to know I can trust you with everything I have” – He said.
I was shocked, how can one man be so loving, I finally found the strength to ask “did you just say, I’ll be your wife soon? “Yes babe, send me your full details and I will have them reroute my payments directly to you, if I need anything I will let you know”. During the year, I received over six million dollars on behalf of Daniel, I was happy he was such a hard worker and knew not to just rely on military benefits, his entrepreneurial spirit made me love him all the more. Whenever I received and sent money to Daniel, he was always so appreciative, such a humble spirit he had, always showering me with new gifts, even when I refused, he would say, babe, take this money, use that to make your hair, I want you to look beautiful all the time or I saw this bag on Amazon, take some money out of what is left with you and buy it, I want to make your friends jealous.
We were supposed to finally meet one December and while Daniel was at the airport, his platoon commander asked him to come back immediately and they left for another country, he was distraught, he spoke to me for over ten minutes and all he did was cry, we both did. We were looking forward to this trip; I had about three hundred thousand dollars I received on his behalf that we planned that we would use when he arrives in the US.
I didn’t speak to Daniel for over two weeks after then, I still had his money with me and then one day he writes me that they had been fighting African terrorists and he had lost some of his mates. Things went back to normal for about three months and then Daniel tells me he has an opportunity, he said he found an African trader who was ready to sell him a large number of ornaments and precious stones and that he needed a loan of four hundred and fifty thousand, he was my man and up till that moment, he had never asked me for a dime but had showered me with gifts and even helped me change my car at some point.
I went to the bank and I took out a mortgage and I added it to the money Daniel left for me and I wired it to him in Africa. A couple of days later, he sent me pictures of lots of precious stones, he mentioned he had gotten a better deal and bought way more than he anticipated and that the payment for shipping was incomplete. Again I went to the bank and took out a second mortgage at a hundred thousand dollars. I wanted to so much to support him as he had done for me.
I took out fifteen thousand to settle some renovation work I needed to do and I sent the remaining eighty five thousand dollars to him. We had a real connection, Daniel and I. it was so real and even though we were yet to physically meet, our love was true.
About two months later, Daniel said he was going on a tour to a different country and that our communication would be limited, I didn’t mind as this had happened before and he would usually write me once he returned. Three days into Daniel’s new tour, the blares of police sirens woke me, I looked out through the window and there was scores of police vehicles lining up outside my house, I was confused and I felt something had happened to Anne. “Police open the door” – I heard a cop say; oh gosh, they were at my door, there must be some kind of mistake I thought.
I rushed down the stairs, my daughter Emily calling out to me “mama”, “go back in honey” – I said, I had barely opened the door when a group of cops burst into the house
“On the ground, on the ground now” – They screamed, the flashlights almost blinding my eyes. “what’s going on? You have the wrong house, my name is Elizabeth Howard” – I was yelling “is anyone else here, is anyone else here” – some cop was asking.
Shouts of “CLEAR” rendered the air, I was confused, Zach was walking down the stairs, he was crying, Emily was with him. “don’t come down here honey, stay there” – I said. “Mama, I’m scared” – Emily said. A female cop walked the stairs to meet both of them, and she took them upstairs. “Hands behind your head, You are under arrest Elizabeth Howard for Fraud” – One of the police officers said, “Fraud?? You have the wrong person, I have never defrauded anyone in my life” – I was screaming, hot tears gathering on my face, I didn’t know what was going on? “Hands behind your head ma’am” – the cop said as he put the cuffs on me and began to lead me outside.
“you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law, you have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, one will be provided for you…..” this cop was reading out my rights, I was so embarrassed, Anne was standing outside, the look of shock and bewilderment on all my neighbours face. “Anne, please help me care for Emily and Zach, there has been a mistake” – I yelled out before getting into the police vehicle.
I did three years in the state’s minimum facility for aiding and abetting fraud, I only got that because I had no criminal record.
Throughout my trial, Anne tried to reach Daniel but he was gone, just like that, completely disappeared from the face of the earth. Turns out the pictures he sent were not even of him. I HAD BEEN SCAMMED! Two years of my life wasted on a person that wasn’t real, I tried to prove to the court that I was a pawn and I was also scammed but that only fuelled the prosecution as they maintained that I spent some parts of the monies I received on personal expenses.
I’m out of prison now, I am 60 years old, I am a dishwasher at the only restaurant that would accept ex-felons, I have lost my kids and my home had long gone into foreclosure, I also owe the state over four hundred thousand dollars in legal fees and part of the money Daniel reportedly gave to me.
Tell me what did I do wrong to deserve this?
Tell me who I raped and pillaged to deserve this?
Is it wrong to love? Was I wrong?
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