Too many times, I hear things like “he’s just weak and he should snap out of it , what is all this depression talk” or “she has too much wahala , is she the only one with problem in her life, she should even be grateful for the things she has”. Some even go as far as saying that mental illness is as a result of a person’s character flaw and as such they should snap out of it. Well just incase you have ever been this ignorant, I am here to teach you that Mental health problems have nothing to do with being lazy or weak and many people need help to get better. Many factors contribute to mental health problems, including:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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• Biological factors, such as genes, physical illness, injury, or brain chemistry⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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• Life experiences, such as trauma or a history of abuse⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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• Family history of mental health problems⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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People with mental health problems can get better and many recover completely through a variety of treatment options, but you see in places like Nigeria where mental health issues are still being swept under the carpet, it is almost impossible to speak about any problems that you might be facing and sad as it may sound, it is more harder for you to speak to family and friends. People with mental health issues usually in 80% of cases claim to have no-one to speak to, even when surrounded by multiple family members and friends. The underlying reason most give is “no-one will understand me”.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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for example, I do my best to observe and learn the daily patterns or habits or social behaviours my friends have, any deviation or sudden stop leads to a call from me, I will pester you till you tell me, because I will never take the answer “I am fine” – I personally believe these three words “I AM FINE” is the biggest lie in modern history, a lot of things are swept under I am fine. Ask a person who’s dying, who just lost a child, who is looking for a job, who needs help desperately and the response is always the same “I AM FINE”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I am going to tell a short story just to portray a point; this story is true and happened to an old friend of mine,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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She was 29, working as a business analyst, the kind of girl who believes in being faithful to one man, she thought she had a great relationship, was next in line for a big promotion at work, life was bliss. Her company’s annual general conference was coming up; she got a nice dress, bought a new hair, ensured and double checked that all her deliverables were in line with company policy. On the day of the conference, a younger colleague was promoted, rumour had it that she was in bed with a top exec at their firm, she was heartbroken and immediately left to see her boyfriend, he had stated that he had a running stomach and could not attend the conference with her. As she drove, she cried, she had worked so hard for this promotion, everyone knew she was next in line for it, colleagues had congratulated her, “What changed” – she thought. “was she not good enough” – the thoughts ran through her mind almost causing her to drive into a pole, with force she screeched, her car was totalled, she came down, grabbed her bag, dialled her boyfriend’s number “the customer you are trying to reach is not responding , please try again later”- four times she called, where the hell could he be, he had a running stomach, his phone shouldn’t be ringing for this long without a response, it wasn’t like he was a deep sleeper.⠀
She flagged a taxi, after passersby helped push the car away from the road. In the car, she cried, her silent screams building up bile in her gut, the pain reaching a crescendo. “why was today a mess, why the hell did I over extend myself, this money would have gone a long way to help her solve family issues” – the thoughts raging through her mind, overwhelming her. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“I just need to see him, once I see him, I’ll be fine, he will make me feel better” – She thought. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Taxi arrived at her boyfriend’s house; she walked out and used her key to open the door. The rush of pain, the nerve wracking type that spreads from chest to head before running down to your knees making you weak, making your bones creak, putting you in one spot like you were glued to that spot. The clothes, the naked girl with her eyes turned inside out, the pizza on the table and their favourite series on the TV with the volume turned up so high possibly to mask the lady’s screams, it was obviously why they did not hear her opening the door. She stood transfixed, his name escaping her mouth but only she could hear ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“Tunde, Tunde” – she thought she said. Then the blood came rushing to her feet “move” – her mind said to her legs or was it her brain. She wasn’t sure. The girl had seen her,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “what what , who are you” – side chic exclaims, rushing to gather her clothes. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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He turned, he saw her “what are you doing here” – he asked as he wore the briefs on the floor. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “I said what are you doing here, are you not supposed to be at your conference” – he said, walking towards her, the anger seething in his eyes. He hated her, yes at that moment he hated her, it wasn’t something he could hide. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“Since when did you start coming to my place without calling”- he asked and repeated it again with brute force. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“Speak, you have to speak” – her mind said to her or was it her brain?
“errrmm, errrmm, I, I” – she said, her eyes fixed on the side chic who want making eyes at her. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“You know what, just leave, get out, leave my house” – He said as he pushed her outside, her dress hooking the door handle and even then he wasn’t careful, he continued dragging her until her dress tore. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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There she was standing outside; dress torn at the side, the shock of what just happened dawning on her. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“find a place to sit, before you fall and break your neck” – this time her brain said, forcing her knees to quiver, she sat on the floor and then the panic attack began, she couldn’t breathe, light waves flashing before her eyes, her hand stroking her chest trying to free the oxygen she thought was stuck down there… ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“Breathe, just breathe” – she said to herself, she needed to save herself because no one was coming for her. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Eventually she made it home, resigned from work because there was no need to continue, days dragged into months and each day was harder than the previous, any friend she spoke to will say “babe, is that why you are crying and feeling down, omo you dey fuck up, be strong jor, haa men are like that, that’s how they are, your own cheated only once, you should even be happy. What of mine that is an incessant cheat, babe everyone has problems” but she wasn’t happy, she didn’t understand why he would cheat on her, ok forget about the cheating, why even after he was caught, he would treat her that way like she was some pest, like she was the one bothering him. She had never felt so small, so unvalued, as disgraced as she was in her life. Every time she thought about it, the tears would come plying down, nothing could take away that memory from her head…⠀⠀
“Get out, leave my house” – she would hear it over and over again. The voice echoing in her head, bringing along with it pain and sorrows, her heart tearing itself to shreds, trying to rid itself of the pain envelope it was now in. Home seemed like a stranger’s house, staring at herself in the mirror seemed like she now had a live in guest. Something must have broken; she knew it but didn’t know how to fix it. She wondered why she was in so much pain, was there something else going on, like why was she so sad and hurt and depressed over a man, she could always get another, they were a dime a dozen, why does she feel love, pain, anger and disgust all at once. Her mind threatening to explode if she doesn’t stop over thinking; STOP, she would hear in the echoes of her essence, “YOU HAVE TO STOP” something was telling her, warning her but she was drowning, falling deep into the abyss. Brain flushed, mind unwell, body stank, life stopped and soon even she couldn’t recognize herself. Something did indeed break, that something was HER. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I could lie and say this story has a happy ending but it doesn’t, she moved from man to man searching for the completeness that she had, bearing all things because according to everyone “all men are the same”. She felt since she couldn’t feel happy on her own, maybe someone would make her happy, but the truth is HAPPINESS LIVES WITHIN. The emotional abuse, the torture she bore just so she can feel something, anything, but with each failed situationship, she lost more of herself.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
“Stop crying” – her friends said to each other, “she didn’t even tell us she was going through a bad time” — ohh but she did, she would call and try to talk to you about how she was feeling but you were dismissive, you always said “babe everyone has problems” but you forget not everyone carried problems the same way. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“Breathe” – their minds said or was it their brains, but they couldn’t breathe, the air choked them, it was too much a loss for them to catch a breath⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“You have to breathe” – this time, their brains said. The tears and wails pouring in from mother, brother, friends but nothing would or could bring her back. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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You see my dear family, call your friend today, listen to them and if you can, let them know that how they feel is valid, they are not you and as such they will bear pains differently. Not everyone is as strong as they outwardly appear… ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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DEPRESSION IS REAL…. CALL SOMEONE TODAY⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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