I got tired, at some point, I said FUCK THIS. It hurt, still do. It’s a constant reminder that so many things I tell myself that I’d be, I’d do are nothing but words in my head.
It gets innately tiring, you sit, you watch, the clock ticking your life away, you pause, your pulse, slowly charging your blood to flow freely, just to remind you that you are still alive.
Is this what I have become, a weakling, slut, trash, ugly, fucking, depressed, maniacal people pleaser. Do I have no respect for myself. At what point in my life, did I break. I used to think that if I could just remember what point my whole life turned around, maybe I would be more closer to healing. Maybe I could find a way to banish that memory and I could get closer to healing, but too many bruises and scars, I don’t even remember which came first.
I think I stopped growing at 17, maybe even less, I’m childish, I throw tantrums, I breathe, shake it off, then cry only to feel some type of pain forcing itself on me. “who are you, what are you?” – I would ask no one, the crickets in the dark chirping my secrets to each other. Then Silence… Silence that deafens, hand over mouth, screams trying to escape between my fingers but I’d shove them back down my throat. “Big girls don’t cry” – I’d say.
I have been so dependent for as long as I can remember, weaning yourself off codependency as an alcoholic depressive is a whole nother work on its own.
Breathe, stay calm, pick up your phone, scroll, scroll, “ermmm not you, you bite my pussy the other day” “hmmm hi you, maybe this boy, no he doesn’t have sense”- scroll, scroll, scroll….
“hmmm you. Yes you, you talk a good game, let me see what that tongue can do”
Maybe you can fuck this sadness out of me.
Dials number “hi, are you home?,” – – – “OK I’m coming over”
Dressed in a summer dress, ass jiggling, heels clanking like a red light district slut. Glasses on with the thread holder , because no one sees glasses and think slut first, they think nerd with sexual appeal. 😋
Twenty minutes later, I’m sitted at this man’s house, watching him be nice, offering me what to drink. He’s trying to be cute and gentlemanly while all I thought about was how to get him to pound me. “Thank you” – I said as he dropped the drink on the table and resumed playing his video game.
Fair skin, hair cut, lips thick and pink… My eyes ran across his body, imagining the things I would do to him. “do you play video games” – he asked, cutting me short. “ermm what?” – I said, looking lost. “I said do you play video games?” – He repeated, a smile on his face this time. “yeaa, but not fifa, just games where they fight” – I responded…. “hmmm. Why so violent though?” – he asked, laughing, before he continued “do you like fighting?”… “Yes, I’m an expert of some sorts in online fighting and other types of fights” – I said, and closed my eyes halfway in some makeshift attempt at winking. “what kind, pray tell” – he said, this time pausing the video game.
I can show you if you don’t mind. I throw a mean punch.
“make a fist” – He says, his arms folded across his chest. I folded my palm; “see I’m not your mate” – I said.
He walks towards me, held my fist up and burst into laughter. “This is the most girly girlish hands I’ve ever seen, your stance is all wrong, you would have been beaten a lot in secondary school”… He said, he was mocking me. “haa. Me? I used to beat everybody both boys and girls (side note. Anybody that starts a statement with Haa me? Is about to tell a lie)
He sat near me now – in my head, I thought” oh yes better, I didn’t come here for a long distance relationship. “how was work during the week?” – “I was surprised to hear from you, today must be my lucky day” – He said without waiting for a reply to the first question. “Week was great and I was bored today” – I said. “How can I unbore you? – he asked, drawing air quotes when he said unbore.
He ran his hand behind the back of my neck, looking intently at me, as he waited for an answer..
I couldn’t answer before I found his lips on mine. Soft like melted butter, he kissed like he missed me, his hands patting my back, he was trying not to be too forward. “hey hey hey, what are you doing? – I said, amidst kisses.” I’m trying to spice up your life- He said and stopped – “I’m sorry, I have always wanted to do that, I’m sorry”. The respect was such a turn on. He continued – “if you say no, we could just play video games together and I can make you some noodles or order you some pasta, but I make the best noodles in the world… In Africa at least” – I watch this sexy man school me about consent “I respect women a lot, I was wrong but on gawd, I really want you. If you are uncomfortable with it, I’ll stop”. The more he talked, the more I zoned out, I could see the movement of his hands as he explained further on the respect he has for women and how consent was needed. I tried, mehn I tried to listen but all I could see was him on top of me, kissing me. “COME EAT MY PUSSY” – I said out loud, it felt like someone else said it. It came from nowhere, it was abrupt and the 1 minute awkward silence that ensued was laughable.
Once it dawned on him what I just asked, he said “come with me, I want to show you something”. He held my hands softly and made me walk in front of him, I walked slowly, I could feel his eyes on my back but I didn’t turn around. “Here” he said – as he opened the bedroom door. “This is where I’m going to eat you, I’m going to take off your dress, tie you to this bed and make you cum for the next 6 hours, you can’t scream, if you do, I’ll fuck you really hard, feel my dick” – he held my hand and put it on his cock.
“you see how big it is, I’ll push everything inside you, if you get too loud, do you understand?”. I was so turned on, all I did was nod my head like a little girl. “Now turn around, I want to take off your dress”
My dress dropped to the floor, I stepped out from it, my hand in front of me, covering my fat belly.
He knelt down and kissed my ass, taking big swipes off each cheek. My knees were almost caving, I felt like he noticed it too because he wrapped one of his arms around my legs and kissed every skin on my back, he would go all the way to the top, kissing my waist, back, my ass, in between my thighs, everywhere except my pussy. His tongue was extra wet, every swipe, sent chills up my spine. “babe” – I moaned… He didn’t answer, all he did was eat my ass, his hands on my fat belly serving as an anchor.
” ohhh gawd fuckkk” – I moaned. “don’t stop”. Then he stopped. “wait here” – he said. “ehh, what, why. OK sorry, I won’t be loud again, I promise, just don’t stop” – I was rambling. “I’ll be back in a minute” – he said as he opened the door and walked away.
I sat down, pausing to catch a breath, my pulse charging, sending blood to all the nether regions.
I came alive.
I wanted him.
I wanted nothing else.
The door opened. “Get on the bed” – he said as he increased the fan speed of the air conditioning.
I laid on the bed, my hand on top my stomach, I was hiding the bulge before he spoke to me. “Ada, I love your body, every inch”. He got up and spread my legs, he took off my heels, and put my toes in his mouth. Ohhh gawdddd, having your toes licked is a different sweetness on its own… He cuffed my leg to the bed, then the did the other, walked to the top and cuffed my hands. ” Are you comfortable?”- he asked.
I nodded.
He turned on the TV, grabbed a game console and started playing a game. “ermmmm OK????” – I thought “are you going to leave me like this?” – I asked…. SILENCE.
He dropped the console and laid in between my legs, “Don’t Scream” he said before his tongue plastered delicious kisses on my pussy, he slurped and ate every inch of my pussy. Tongue fucking me, stop, lick from vulva to clit, drop tongue on clit and lick in circular motions with his finger stuck inside me.
Ohh God I screamed, I yelled even… He got up, juices stuck in his beards, “Ada I said don’t scream, you are too small for me, you can’t handle this, if I fuck you, you might die, stop screaming, you are driving me crazy” – while he talked, his finger was shoving in and out of me, I kept screaming. He put his other hand on his mouth making a “silent” sign. “please daddy, ohhh fuckkkk, I’m tired, I want to rest” – I said.
In 6 hours – he said.
I kept screaming, this mad man Sani kept eating me. I couldn’t move, the bed was soaked, wetness dripped down my butt. When he saw, I was not stopping, he got down, wore a condom, came back on the bed, took off the cuffs and I bolted straight for the door. I was at the door when I realized it was locked. “are you done running?, Damn you are so cute. Look at you” – he smiled, his dick dangling in front of him as he came for me. “I’m tired, please leave me alone” – I said. “OK, OK, go and rest” – he said as he took off the condom.
I heaved a sigh of relief and laid on the bed, Sani waited until I was fully relaxed before walking to me. He stroked my hair and placed a kiss on my forehead.
“I’m tired, you promised to let me rest” – I said. “yeah, you can rest, he said as he cuffed my left hand, he got on the bed and cuffed my other hand. “i am tired” I kept saying. “let me rest for 5 minutes” – Sani didn’t bulge. He raised my leg up, licking my pussy slowly, kissing my thighs. He spat on my pussy, then plastered his tongue to slurp it up. “your pussy is so beautiful, gawdddd I could stay here forever” – He said.
I pulled on the sheets, wriggling my legs and thighs to try to break free, my moans getting louder with each lick.
He would flick his tongue from my vulva up to my clit, then press his tongue down hard to my clit, sucking on it like it had the elixir of youthfulness.
He got up, came up to my face and said
“kiss me like you missed me”
I kissed him passionately, my tongue running through his mouth like I lost something inside of it.
He licked the side of my face, then bit my lower lip. “kiss me again” – he said and I did… Licking his lips while his fingers flicked my hard nipples; long strokes on my nipples, as his tongue drained out my mouth. “Gawd, I want you, I want you so bad” – He said while he moved downwards and grabbed both my tits. “untie me” – I said, my eyes straining to catch his. Sani didn’t bulge, instead he took a big lick of my nipples, forcing both into his mouth, my big balloons pouring out from the side of his mouth. My body quivering, I held the sheets – “untie me please” – I begged.
He paid me zero attention, licking, sucking, slurping on my nipples. He was trying to force all of it into his mouth “please stop… don’t stop… please… stop.. please don’t stop… I… I…. Stop… Oh… Ummmm…. Fuckkk…. Untie… Un… Tie…. Mee..” Sani didn’t stop, he kept licking, he would stop, look at me, then take 4 slow licks with his tongue, the voraciously suck on my nipple, slow thugs, that send excitement down my spine. “I want you”- I said. “I know” – he replied, he was having fun, enjoying the hell he was putting me through.
He had me exactly where he wanted, Wetness dripping down my thighs, titties wet, face wet from slurpy kisses, want seeping through my pores.
Then he stopped, just stopped licking. Got up, took the condom out and started stroking his dick while staring at my now wet tits.
“Gosh I’m going to enjoy fucking you” – Sani said, his finger stroking my clit. “untie me please… Babe” – I said.
He didn’t respond, he grabbed a condom, wore it and cuffed my left leg, then the right. “I don’t want you kicking and fighting, while I’m making love to you”. He lowered himself onto me, his thick cock sliding through the wetness.. “ohhhhh fuckkkkk” – we said in unison.
Biceps on titties, heads bent in each other’s shoulders, dick sliding in and out of wetness, kisses slurp…. Slurp…. Hear the wetness spurting, kisses, then hard dick pounding in and out of me. “ohh fuck, Yasss zaddy, don’t stop, please”
. He had no intention to, I was his, to do with as he pleased.
“spread those legs for daddy” – he said as I was wriggling my thighs trying to break free.
I needed to hold this man pounding me. He fucked me, stopping halfway sometimes to kiss me, dick sliding in and out. Burp… Burp… Burp… Skin slapping skin…. “Fuck… Your pussy… I love this pussy” – Sani said, while pounding, slow thrusts, fast thrusts, hard thrusting, 180 dick roll that combed every wall. “ohh my gawd, daddy, fuck me please. I need this dick. I need it bad” – I said.
He took out his dick, slid down in one small swoop and licked my pussy, kissed my thighs, licked my butt, then ate my pussy, my wetness spilling to his face.
He tapped my pussy, slow soft tap, then spat on it before sucking me. “ahhhh…. I wa… I…. Ahhhh… Nooo… Sa… San… I…. Wannn… Don’t… Fuck… Stop…. Please…. Pleaseeee… Saniiii…. I’m…ohhh dadddyyyyy… You are fucking killing me” – I was going crazy, I screamed.
He stopped licking, stuck two fingers in my mouth while he stroked my pussy with his other hand.
I licked his finger, my tongue running in between the finger. “you are a bad girl, I love fucking bad girls” – he said, as soon as he took off his fingers and began to uncuff me..
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