Done

Have you ever made the same mistake 5 to 10 different times… Well I have… Time and time again, I repeat things that I have told myself, that I won’t do again; but I have learnt to forgive myself, to get over things quickly… Nothing is ever that serious if you look at life knowing we will all die… 😂😂.. Ok sorry, seriously nothing is that grave… I forgive myself quickly, advise myself not to do it again and move on.

One of the cause of my previous depressive state was the inability to forgive myself, to understand that I’m human and that I’ll fail woefully, I failed at so many things, i started to wonder whether I was even half as smart as I thought I was… Infact all the failures I experienced in life made me to start seeing myself as nothing, this is why I do not know, even till today, how to write about myself in “praise terms”. It doesn’t come naturally to me.
Another reason was my inability to forget the hurt and pain I had experienced, I forgave but couldn’t forget. My entire life was stuck in a Web of failure and trauma. I didn’t know who I was outside that pain… So i stayed there, angry, failing, failing some more…. Until I spoke to someone and she asked me
If money was no issue, what would you do.
I said teach children in kindergarten (I’m a sucker for children) or become a writer, talk about things people think about but are too afraid to speak on and she passed a pen to me and said “write me something”. I said give me a word… She said “pain, but with a happy ending”… ” wait, how?? There is no happy ending with pain” I didn’t like that topic, it was not my comfort zone, I hate happy endings, I used to write lots of fiction, none had a happy ending…
But she was resolute, so I wrote, a long story of pain, my brain was a quagmire of thoughts, it was almost impossible to infuse the happy ending but I did it… All 3 pages of it.
She took it, kept it in her file and said, “next time you are here, I want to see your blog, write about things you’ve experienced. you can go”