Day 1 Today has been stressful, lots of meetings that felt like they should have been held over the phone. I would never understand why people always assume because I write about sex, I must be dumb, they come to me about doing business but somehow think that I’m stupid, it beats me… I don’t know though, maybe I am actually stupid, you know… You never really see yourself, other people do 😒😒
Moving on… Today marks day 1 of my one month total abstinence from everything sexual including porn #NoSexJune and this post is a chronicle of my day so far. I have been so tired and carsick, I haven’t experienced any sexual cravings, even right now as I type this post, I still feel very tired but I promised to write everyday which is why I am doing this now.
I am going to order room service, have a glass of wine (or 5), watch Bad blood season 2 and then pass out. I plan to stay in tomorrow, there’s a lovely place I found not far from where I’m staying that sells lovely croissant, I might have a couple of those in the morning… So yea, that’s all the update for today… See you guys at 9pm WAT tomorrow… #meafterdark #NoSexJune
PS: I was going to tag a witch, Yea i needed to call her that, who has been sending me porn all through today, sending me sexy pictures of her body and continually taunting me, in the evil witch’s words, I can’t have peace because I never gave her peace with my stories… Just imagine the kind of friends I have on this page…. 😒😒🤣🤣🤣
Today was bleeeehhhh… 🙄🙄🙄 Drowned my thoughts in movie after movie… I don’t know if any of you ever experienced anything like this: there comes that moment when you can’t stop the thoughts running 8,000 km in your head so you shut them off by watching a movie, or singing loudly in the shower or listening to very loud music… It becomes a case of, if the external sounds are louder maybe I wouldn’t hear the voices inside anymore.
I finally rolled over to the side of the bed this evening and I had a shower, I’m still woozy from all this drinking and loud music. I thought of watching porn today, in the midst of Declan hunting Teresa and Christian, I sorta got the hang of it and almost wanted to watch something new… Hollywood series tend to tow a certain path… I know you are probably thinking, porn is also predictable… No its not, (or even it is), it doesn’t matter, every cock, arched back, wet dripping pussy taking big black cock feels different. Every knees that scrape the floor, ass clapping as it rides on dick, head thrown back, nipples sucked, the moans of yesss fuck me, harder, yes Daddy fuck me harder all sound different, no matter how scripted the porn is.
Today, I don’t think my need to watch any of it stemmed from sexual want, I think this need to orgasm came from boredom. I wanted to do something else, I had no friends to call or gist with, there was nothing to do, so i felt porn was the next best thing… I didn’t watch it though… I just continued the movie.
I also had an epiphany today, I have no gisting buddies… Weird!
Anyways, I’m still going strong
Day 3 All I did on day 3 was shop for my trip back to Lagos and pack my bags.
Update: who knows how to properly smuggle fried chicken via the airport
Day 4 I’m headed to another city and while I was at the train station, there was a young man reading a book, he seemed like the poster child for Handsome, dark full hair, full brows, beards, fair white skin, glasses, head buried in a book and I felt like going to sit close to him and to talk to him (OK add the fact that I’m horny🤣🤣). But social media has instilled a certain type of fear inside me. The type of fear that makes me judge and quickly classify all white people as racist even when they don’t exhibit any racist behaviour or even act racist towards me.
I just shoved my madam nice girl inside my pocket and minded my business, drinking my small coffee. My mind drifted, i turned to look at the guy again but he was gone and for some weird reason, I began to miss him.
I wished I had sat next to him and spoken to him, but also glad I didn’t, because then we would have exchanged numbers, he would have said I was pretty, I would reply with you are not so bad for a white boy, he would go on to tell me how he likes my eyes, I would reply with your lips would look nice on my pussy, he would have asked where I was headed, I would have said nowhere in particular and lied that I was a tourist and then he would offer to show me new places and I would have ended up delaying my trip…. Because Penis is life!
Or who knows, he might have just said, GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU MONKEY! and I would scream OBO IYA YIN, WEREY! ◼️
Just thanking God for saving me from expenses of delayed trips, forced yoruba, and penis. (emphasis on PENIS)
Day 5 the craving came fast and hard. I almost touched myself. I was angry at everyone and no-one, wondering why I was doing this in the first place, like my friend and colleague @genwayne504 would say: “Ada always remember your why and it will keep you focused on the goal”
Well Fuck You Wayne 😒🤣, I don’t care about the why, Infact the goal here is just a shitty reminder to myself that I can control my urges and they don’t control me.
Remind me again why I am trying to prove anything to myself, like who even invents this shit, I feel like shooting all these motivational speakers propagating the “YOU HAVE TO PROVE TO YOURSELF” bull. (breathe Ada, breathe…) My sales rep called me yesterday to inform me that we were still experiencing some delays with the airline bringing our products and ohh I screamed, I screamed loud… At some point… She asked me “madam is the anger really for the airline or for something else”… I just ended the call, I don’t like what I hate!
I’m just angry…. Today was an angry day.
Somebody come play with my kit kat (not chunky)
Bye! (I don’t have time for pleasantries)
Still angry by the way…. OK Bye!
Been Flying like a kite all through day 6, back in Lagos… I need to rest!! 🤦♀️
So yesterday while I was still taking a break from life, I received a call from an old crush, he wanted to know my plans for the days and probably take me to dinner… All through the time, we spoke, the only thing running through my mind was how big his dick was and how he always made kissing sounds when he eats my pussy… He was the real life Wesley Pipes, just with a bit more finesse (if you know who Wesley Pipes is, then you are worse than I am 😂😂). David talks dirty, like ground raw dirty when he makes love to you, tells you how drippy drippy your cunt is, how he wants to eat you some more even while his cock is sliding in and out of your pussy. Most times, he would just take his dick out, go down and take a big lick off your pussy all the while asking you if you like “daddy’s tongue, if you want daddy to lick you some more”
The only thing I heard was 7pm, dinner… I also think he said something about changing jobs or something like that… I wasn’t fully present for obvious reasons.
It was my 7th day on #NoSexJune. I somehow survived 1 week without any porn, or masturbation or sexual activity. I wasn’t about to let this real life Wesley Pipes or whatever his name is, make me back slide… I just said I was busy and needed rest and I hung up before he could convince me otherwise…
It’s the same ol… Same ol…. Too drained to even type this… 🙄🙄🙄 #stillabstaining #meafterdark #NoSexJune
At the end of this June, the first guy I’ll be with, will have to sign a full indemnity contract because he may suffer bodily and “penile” injuries
Day 9 I got flowers yesterday…. You must have seen the series with @ms_dsf and @mawuli_gavor (PS: Mawuli is my new crush, I just want him for 3hours, who has his phone number should please send it) but mine wasn’t because he beat me… It was a peace offering from Leké. I have written about him earlier,(scroll down my page) blonde coloured hair, fucks like he owns you, eats me like my pussy’s about to save his life…. Yes… That Leké. He’s one of those guys who wants to own what they eat, he doesn’t enjoy sharing. He has been asking to date me since like forever and when I say no, he retreats and comes back again in a few months… Yesterday, The flowers had a small note attached : “Let’s do this babe… I really do care about you Ada. I’m sorry about before” There was a cake and some chocolates, he knows my favourite cake only comes from @amaka_johnscakes
My smile was from ear to ear and when he called and I heard him say “Hey Beautiful” – – – I swear my pussy cried, tears of joy… We spoke for a while, sweat gathered on my chin, my forehead… I wanted him.. There was this raw alpha male vibe about him, I just wanted to smell him, to hold him… The more I talked to him, the sadder I got because I couldn’t have him.
He could tell I was distracted and kept pestering to know what the issue was but I ended the call and sent him a text… Call me July 1, this is a bad time for me – the message read, to which he replied “sure, I’ll wait…. Love, Leké”
I cried, I was angry, really angry and sad and I almost called him back, to say I was sorry too and I wanted to be with him and I’m sorry for always turning him down and that I was now truly healed and would like to actually have a relationship with him. I wanted to tell him so many things because with Leké, I am truly myself, he sees no need to change any part of me, he loves and makes love to me exactly as I “are”. I was sad maybe it was God’s way of punishing me for telling my 8yr old nephew that if he mentions the word “Sex” again, he goes to hell. My nephew had recently learnt that his pregnant mum had sex to get the baby in “there”. So i did a little bit of damage control 😂😂
I hit my head on a wall yesterday, I was walking towards the kitchen, I blacked out and i hit my head on a wall… The pain was excruciating. I thought my head had burst open or I was going to have a brain haemorrhage or something… Even now, it still hurts… But you know what hurts the most, not having anyone there to even tell me sorry….to hold me and kiss my head and even slap the wall on my behalf… 😭😭😭 I couldn’t even tell myself sorry, because I was in too much pain…😣😣 Will probably go see a doctor, because I have a really bad headache this morning… Anyways Good morning…
Day 10 Today was literally the worst day day ever… Its on days like today that you somehow drill yourself deeper into a hole.
I am just so tired, I’m not built for this… I really am not… Everything about everything tires me the fuck out!
I am Tired!!
Today was literally the worst day day ever… Its on days like today that you somehow drill yourself deeper into a hole.
I am just so tired, I’m not built for this… I really am not… Everything about everything tires me the fuck out!
I am Tired!!
Day 12 Good Evening, This is the News at 10!
Today at work, it seemed like someone opened the cage where all the fine boys have been held for months. I saw all shades of sweet men today and brothers and sisters, please join me in this testimony, I did not fall. I repeat I did not fall..😂 “Hello, Good Afternoon” – I heard one man say, “Good Afternoon” – I replied… The moment I raised my head, I almost had a heart attack… Let’s segue for a bit: remember that scene in Hollywood High school movies, where the nerdy girl experiences an embarrassing situation and then the high school hunk comes to her rescue, hair flying in the wind, skin glistening in the lights, sharp smile and the nerdy girl starts drooling and smiling weirdly…. Well today, I was that nerdy girl… This first guy looked like he had just walked out of a GQ photoshoot by the beach. I intentionally delayed him, because “eye candy” and my apologies were said with my most sexiest voice like “I’m so sorry sir, I will be with you shortly ( #inmyhead actually more like, on top your dick sir). Just when I thought that I couldn’t be punished anymore, 2 more hand crafted, chiseled, look like I had my bath with chocolate and caramel men walked in… Ohhh Dear Gawd.. The other guy, fat, tall, with beer belly I just want to rub, he looked like a snuggle bear… “Hello there, I’m here to pick up my card” – one said…. “Hay gawd, escuse me sir, please stop speaking, your voice is turning me on” – I thought to myself. I was having a fucking inner struggle, my pussy was busy playing “Eenie meenie miney mo, who do I sit on top his face” and just when I sent the 2 slim ones away, Thanking my stars that I’ve finally conquered my urges…
Someone said “Ada, You are still as beautiful as ever” – it was Alex… 🙄
Right now, it’s 10:26pm, been in traffic for 3hours, I’m outside my mother’s house because my lie to Alex involved a very important errand that I need to do for my mum… Still going strong… I can’t come and kill myself
Day 13 This was a tiring day…. Nothing interesting to report..
Day 14 What is with Nigerians and respect? Like I don’t get it, we are proud even in our own ignorance and yet demand respect without earning it. Lots of people always come to my dm requesting for stuff (somehow they believe I am Don Jazzy or Dangote). But I won’t give you money, the first and most important reason is because I DON’T HAVE MONEY, the second reason is because people are wired weirdly and they usually take advantage.
So this guy slides in my DM and says he needs a job— cool, at least he didn’t start with “I want to see you Ada I will do anything to see you” or “Ada please i need money”. I requested that he sends his CV to my mail and I guess luck was on his side, A friend of mine was looking for someone with his exact skills.
Yesterday was exactly 10 working days since he started working with my friend and my friend sacked him. The reason he told me was as annoying as it was ridiculous… This nonsensical man who had a 3years break between careers slapped a female staff because she greeted him by name. She said Good Morning Ayo and he went berserk, talking about how he wasn’t her mate and how he had warned her to use sir when greeting him.
Fact: Everyone calls my friend who owns the company by his name.
Mr Ayo then went on to tell my friend that he was cultivating a culture of disrespect in his own company.. Just look at this fucking nigga!! You are 39years old, no sense, no job and yet still proud. You must be drunk! Are we here to gain respect or money?
Like who the fuck does sir or ma help, like how does your respect put food on my table?? I currently have someone else appearing as a CEO at a firm my sugar daddy asked me to manage and I go to work there during the weekends as a staff, Everyone who works there believes I’m part of the remote team but this is how I know who needs to be sacked and who is loyal to our firm but this nigga wants to eat respect so we asked him to go back home and get enough of it from his wife.
We employ people to gain more money not dish out respect to people who do not deserve it. Rubbish… I forgot to add: I didn’t break my 1 month abstinence. Still doing the annoying thing😤😤
Day 15 I met a virgin on Day 15 and she had so much enthusiasm, how the man she will marry will appreciate her and never hurt her because she was a virgin… I wanted the same for her, I wished life was like that, She’s a great girl, got a great life ahead of her, very Hardworking, humble and doing her best to grab as many career skills as she could,but the pessimist in me would not stop seeing all the downsides to that thought process. First of all Men are Scum, no, let me rephrase that, since women can also be scum. First of all Humans are scum, they don’t appreciate anything long enough to attach any important value to it… After a couple of months or at most years, they begin to want something else. I wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t expect so much from people, she shouldn’t think that anyone would love her unconditionally except me… Do not attach importance to another person’s valuation of you, nobody matters that much not even your supposed “future husband”. Life was hard, it made people hard… There are a lot of broken people moving around looking for other people to break too, lots of cases of people who were abused turning into abusers.
There were so many things I wanted to say, but i couldn’t… She is my sister, she is young, full of life and hope… I didn’t want to turn her into me… So i kept quiet and said “All your heart desires will come to pass”
There was a couple of minutes of silence until she had to fuck it up by saying “Aunty abeg give me 35k, I want to buy frontal to make this weave you gave to me”
I got up and left her there, this is the reason why I hate family discussions. I somehow loose money. #NoSexJune Day 15 was spent with family, they have been known to kill any and all sexual thoughts… I can’t even feel sexy when I’m home, I’m always on high alert, watching my handbag so my sis doesn’t take my money or wristwatch or perfume, once upon a time, I couldn’t find a dress I wore there, I ended up wearing my mum’s dress to go home… My mum sat on that dress on my sister’s behalf 😂😂 Now when I go to visit, I don’t even take off my shoes.If dem say dem stubborn, me sef go show say I stubborn pass.
Sat down today to listen to a long voice note sent in by an old boyfriend (I mean old literally and figuratively). He’s 63years old, Divorced and quite naughty for someone his age. Martello is my soul animal, we are on the same wave length, at a time I actually thought I would get married to him.
Normally, long voice notes tire me the fuck out, but today I listened to everything… It was exhilarating and refreshing to say the least.
Imagine someone sending you a 15 minute voice note just to tell you about all your great qualities and the things they love about you, things that you probably forgot you could do. Someone taking the time to completely remind you how awesome you are, talk about THE PERFECT EGO BOOST.
This is not a voice note that tells you how much they miss your perfect saggy tits or your onion shaky booty, this note speaks to your essence, your being, gets rid of every low self esteem, acne, dark spots, wrinkled skin or zebra lines your skin has developed from stress and overthinking.😂😂🙄 We all need stuffs like this at least once a week, just someone who tells you… I SEE YOU, YOU ARE DOING GREAT.
I feel like a bag of money now, i feel great and empowered to take over the world, the best part of it was it was unexpected. In other to pay this forward, we are going to do a tiny challenge #1minVN
◼️ Send a 1 minute voice note to anyone you care about and talk about all their good qualities. Screenshot their reply and send to my DM.
I actually arrived at FUCK all of You stage today.
An old friend, more like fuck buddy contacted me a couple of weeks ago, he had somehow put it together that I am me… Is that even the correct way to say that: “I am me”, I am I, me was me… Anyways you get the point… He was a good friend when everything was good until he disappeared into thin air only to resurface asking a billion questions and expecting to get responses immediately… It was funny to me because I have no plans to say shit to anyone, I was keeping my new found joy under lock and key.
Another friend also resurfaced with a billion questions and when she didn’t get any answers, she fizzled back into thin air… So what was all the niceties for?? People will do anything for gist😂😂😂 Work was dry and boring, currently home, having the wackiest noodles ever made on earth… I’m too hungry to caree…
Day 18 was a drag…
Wake up, brush, bath, makeup, traffic for 99hours (Lagos life), work, insults from customers, then traffic for another 90hours, then home, Bath, remembered to eat, brush, then sleep…
Day 19 I’m going out of my mind… I’m loosing it… I want to be fucked, held down and pressed against the bed, a man smacking on my bum while he kisses my back. My hair wrapped in his hand, hard cock drilling in and out of me.
I want him to ask me to scream his name, ask me whose bitch am I… I want to scream while my ass bounces on him.
I want cock, hard cock, thick cock, cum ripping cock… I want all of my body to shudder while this man fucks me good…. Turn me around and kiss me.
I want him to lay me down and eat my pussy, spit on it, then slurp it up… I want to quiver and quake as long tongue goes from vulva to clit and back to vulva… Kiss me…
I’m near my End…
Day 20 I woke up this morning, legs shaking, body writhing from all the pleasure that I can’t have. I’m stuck in a constant sea of thoughts, it feels like a war between Yemen, Afghanistan, Syria and Israel but in actuality – I wonder whether to touch my clit or not, to take my black vibrator and shove it in my pussy or not?… I know this is mundane, everyone says be strong… But i think your body fights you more when it sees that you are purposely refusing to do it. Remember that time you tried to go on a diet and in less than 1 hour you were chugging down soda (fat be damned), you promise yourself that this would be the last soda you drink and then you try to stick to the diet plan only to attend a party and soda and henessey is all they have… Its no-one’s fault, we are natural rebels, we hate rules, we dislike being confined by them, the only reason we tolerate it is because it saves us from all the nasties people would do if there were no rules.
I’m having a headache, my body hurts, I need love, actually I need good good loving… This evening we have group therapy, I am supposed to go there and tell everyone about my progress, but this doesn’t feel like progress, it feels like a deep claw peeling my skin away..
Day 21 Yesterday at therapy was funny… Everyone cheered and laughed and those who could drink did because I passed my 3 weeks mark.
My first and second time attempting this, I failed on or before day 21.
Super proud of myself… But i can’t wait for day 30!!!
Day 22 So I’m on twitter as myself not as @meafterdarkk
And this chap is trying to shoot his shot, I swear I’m weird as fuck. I don’t know how this shit works anymore, he says something nice and I’m just there laughing like a fool, in my head, I’m thinking, I wonder what you’ll say in 6 months time. Dude is wondering what’s so funny about his lines but i have already seen how the relationship will end, the quarrels, the fights that won’t end… He says “OK, I guess this is a bad time” – then I respond with “cool”. I go through the entire conversation and I only said 2 words hello at the beginning and cool at the end, the whole time he was writing, I was responding with laughter emojis, I was literally deadass having the conversation in my head instead of actually responding.
It happened again this morning with someone else, I don’t know how to act when someone is trying to shoot their shot with me, anxiety kicks in and tells me all the shit that could go wrong, so i just disappear into my hut. Worse is when they mention “so when do we see” – huh? See who?? Me?? It definitely can’t be me, i am unable to can… Poof! I’ve vanished!
Someone invited me out for ice cream yesterday, I said no, because I don’t know or can’t remember how to go out on dates, honestly I’m too mentally tired to go on dates (having sex at home has been the most ideal dates for me for a long time). I eventually went out ON MY OWN to get the ice-cream… Is something not wrong with me like this?
Like I don’t want to be with anyone, don’t want to go anywhere, don’t want to have intimate conversations, don’t mention relationships or dating to me, don’t tell me you think I’m pretty, don’t say shit, just shut up, get your dick hard and fuck me, then be on your way and don’t talk to me in public or try to bring up the fact that we had sex ever.
I’m not Alright, I really am not!
Most people think I’m anonymous on Meafterdark just because, it’s because I don’t know how to act, I don’t know how to be around a lot of people, I want to be on my own 1 billion % of the time and not a lot of people would like that.
I’m done for today!
Breathe, time passes, you’ll be fine, dream of thoughts, pleasant. Let nothing come near you, take back control. Breathe, it will all be fine, your heart racing like a speed of light is not a sign that all is ended.
Tell me about your dreams at night, the touch you savagely want, the cock that drove you crazy, turned you out and drove you over the edge. Are you happy?… I ask you… Are you happy at the way things have become for you, that you cannot say stop to your own gaddam self, that even your own body disrespects you, it doesn’t listen to you.
You solve every life issue with the quacking sounds of hard dick sliding in and of wetness, cry your tears over the backs of the men who hurt you, because they’ll hurt you more if you cry in front of them. It’s easier, you say to yourself, to be this easy person than who I truly am.
You pick and choose not for love, but to have someone pressed against your body, bolanle today, Tinuke tomorrow and Nkiru the next. Its easier this way, buried deep in that hollow, time stops, only the wet, tight cunt gripping your cock nags at your reality… Don’t cum, don’t cum… Your shaky ego tells your manhood.
Breathe, time passes, you’ll be fine, dream of thoughts, pleasant. Let nothing come near you, take back control.
Day 25 Can’t wait for this month to end… Already selected the hot fish I’d like to eat….
Day 26 Tick, tick, tick, tock…. I’m tired, I swear!!! But we are women of our words, we do what we say, and say what we do!
Day 27 Day 27: it’s exactly 3 days till the end… I can’t wait for this to end.. I really can’t…
Day 28 Yesterday, I was up to no good. Went out with Mrs Ayo to a club and we had so much fun. It was the first time we were meeting outside a hotel or an enclosed space. She really found it funny that I was taking a month off sex but supported me either ways and was lobbying to be the person to break my new virginity.
We drank like tasters at a brewing company, chugging everything and anything… I was wasted before we could even tour the 2nd club.
I met some guy here from Me After Dark at the second club, cute guy who’s always been in my DM asking to meet me. He walked over to meet us, I nearly jumped out of my skin.
My already drunk but now paranoid mind was all over the place, I was uncomfortable, immediately sweaty wondering if he had somehow found out who I am. He was way more cuter than the pictures on instagram. He asked our names and I gave a fake name(not like knowing my real name meant anything) but I was too paranoid to say my name, Mrs Ayo did the same, laughing as she stuttered to say her own fake name. 😂
We spent time together, dancing and drinking some more again before we left. I knew him but he didn’t know who I was.
I can’t add any more details to this post, before he knows I’m talking about him, but that was pretty close. Too close for comfort! Pheeew!! Its almost the end of No Sex June
Day 29 was spent recovering from hangover…
The End, it wasn’t easy…. Not easy at all!!!