Like most people, I lost my job during the first lockdown announcements. To say, i was devastated was an understatement… And what i am about to say next might seem like its from a Nigerian movie but its not.
I decided to go to my man’s house to spend the lockdown and he was naked in bed with another girl.
Normally, I’d take off my clothes and just join in, you all know I am crazy like that, but on this day, I was tired and I really needed to rest. This man got up from the bed, wore a shirt and began to yell at me for not calling before coming. He took the car keys from me and basically asked me not to ever call him again.
Apparently the girl he was with, was unlocking doors for him She has a surname that only needed to be said and many doors in this country would fling wide open.
I on the other hand, well…
Anyways, i had to take an uber home, i had lost 2 things in less than 3 days, I stopped being a relationship person a long time ago, only decided to try again this devilish year and voila here i am, sitting in my house with my tail tucked behind my back, hoping I’d get a phone call, a text anything at all that says I am Sorry. I never did, not until…
I lost my mind…
I would pace around my house wondering how i let that happen. you know this situation where you fight with someone and you get home and start remembering all the things you should have said. This was me, worse off, i couldn’t call or visit lest i look desperate and weak.
So instead, I stayed at home and drove myself crazy, I hated myself, drabbed my mirror in thick linens so I never have to see my own reflection. I felt like an utter fool. I added a lot of weight, stopped writing( this part you all know) and just slipped into this abyss of unending self pity and anxiety and this went on for a couple of months.
Then one day, my phone rang, X was calling…
“To pick or not to pick up” – I thought…
The excitement of seeing the call couldn’t even let me play hard to get, i picked up on the second ring.
“Hi Ada, it’s been a while, how are you?” – He said
“yes it has” – i responded.
“ermm, i will like to see you, I want to talk to you, can we see?” – He asked.
“See me for?” – I said, the irriration seeping through my voice.
“Please, i feel we should talk face to face, I can come and get you” – he said.
Say no Ada, tell him to go fuck himself, tell him to call his bitch and they should go fuck theirselves, scream at him, tell him all sort of nasties, lie that he never satisfied you and that you were only putting up with him because of the food he makes, tell him you always knew he was a ho and which is why he was your 5th boyfriend. Tell him YOU HATE HIM and you wish his life gets ruined the same way he ruined yours.
“Yes, you can come in an hour” – I said and ended the call before I change my mind.
2 hours later, i was garbed in sheer clothing, red lipstick, winged eyeliner that could cut a bitch and heels that only strippers wore.
I sat with my legs crossed in his living room at the edge of the chair so he knows I am not here to stay.
“Can I smoke?”… I started to ask, “sorry scratch that, I am going to smoke” – I said and i brought a cigarette and lit it.
He sat on the opposite end, watching me drag my cigarette, this lingering, tensed silence forming a mushroom cloud in the room.
“You wanted to talk, Talk” – I said.
“Errmm Ada, i know i hurt yo—- he started to say
“Hold it, right there, you can never hurt me, no one can… But go on” – I said, in a bid to command some power.
“I offended you, I am sorry, I really am. I don’t know what came over me, It was like an out of body experience” – He continued.
I started laughing, the fake kind, I wanted so badly to show I wasn’t completely heartbroken.
“So she jazzed you? What are we? 2 actors in a movie production, is there someone here that’s waiting to scream CUT?” – I was being petty and I didn’t care.
“I am so sorry, my pride got the best of me” – he said.
But instead I kept laughing.
“Ada, you do not deserve what happened” – he said.
And this was where I started struggling to keep the tears in…
“What the hell does that mean? I don’t deserve it but I got it eitherways, everyone seems to be in a business of doling out things I don’t deserve” – I said, struggling like Hodor from Game of thrones to hold back the tears.
That was his in, he got up, walked towards me and held me, while apologising and stroking my hair.
X is big, so when he holds you, he holds you!
There was nothing more I wanted than to be in his arms, I felt “safe”……
“Ada” – he said, raising my face up as he kissed me. I didn’t say no, my knees buckled under the weight of the strength I was pretending to have.
The kiss was cold, as if our bodies disagreed with each other and then the warmth slowly came. Each lip biting sweetness, each body grabbing, each fingers trailing skin at the back of the head brought more warmth than before.
“I miss you, I am sorry” – He said, I didn’t respond.
I stopped kissing him and began to take off my clothes, the shame I felt for being so cheap was overridden with my need for cock shoved inside me.
I sat astride him, my boobs pressed into his face, the lace bra I had on, glued to his beards. Then I held his face and kissed him, he was looking intently at me but I did not want to look into his eyes.
“fuck me” – I said
“don’t talk anymore, just fuck me”
He lifted me and placed me on the chair, helping me out of the thong I was wearing and then he took off his shirt and trousers slowly, he wanted me to look him in the face but I kept my eyes peeled to his dick.
He knelt on the floor and licked my pussy, a moist first swipe, then more moistness, then some more, outstretched hands to free my tits from my bra, then 360 rolls on my nipples…
I didn’t want to moan, this was more than sex, it was a power tussle. I was battling for some control and he just wanted to cower me, to get me under him.
He raised my legs, and pressed his tongue further into my pussy, kissing my ass, my thighs, anything to get me to give up my power.
Stop, come up for air, glide through my body, kiss my lips, eat my neck, lick my face, while sticking a finger deep inside, flicking whatever is in there, that makes me go insane and I tried, I did try to hold back some control…
But he was fierce, he was trying to “win me over” and he was breaking down the walls faster than I could build it back up.
“fuck me please” – I begged.
He turned me around, struggled around to wear a condom before shoving his dick inside me…
I legit shuddered, it was like euphoria, a sudden rush of memories, happy and sad, love x lust, sex, sweetness, hard cock all at once. His labored breathing on my neck, forcing me to throw my ass back, I wanted more.
I was dragging my ass up and down his dick, taking as much cock as I could, my body quivering from want.
He was fucking me, stopping at intervals to lick the wetness off my pussy and then sticking his dick in to my already over wet pussy.
“you are not his, this is just sex” – I tried to remind myself.
But that thought wouldn’t register, it just wouldn’t.
His thrusts became almost rhythmical, dick shoving wetness in and out of my pussy, my moaning sounding like sounds an alien would make.
“STOP please, it’s my turn now” – I said.
I was on top of him but my eyes looked everywhere else but his face, truth be told, I was ashame, ashamed of myself for still giving my body to this man after what I experienced, ashamed I could not control myself. This wasn’t love, this sex we were having wasn’t born out of some deep rooted love feeling I had. The reason why I did it, I couldn’t tell.
“babe please kiss me” – he said as I slowly rode him.
My waist making short back and forth movements on his dick, I placed my hands on his neck, choking him as I grinded my pussy on his dick.
“fuck, fuck” – he yelled, his hands smacking my ass. I raised my knees up and squatted, sitting on his dick, lifting and dropping my wet pussy on it, his eyes rolling backwards. Hands on and off my waist wanting to make sure I fucked him good.
“babeeeeee, oh Gosh I missed you” – he said, I didn’t respond. To me, It was the ranting of a man whose dick was being wetted.
I knelt back down, leaning into him and pressing my boobs into his body while flicking my ass back and forth on his dick, he held me closer but the friction from my clit hitting his pelvic area was already driving me to cum’s edge.
I kept going faster, faster, my body shuddering, the taps of my ass on his thighs louder; the moment I reached orgasm, I got up and told him I was done.
The shock on his face did all the magic for me.
He had lost, he knew it. I started to put on my clothes and i asked him to take me home.
“babe stop playing” – he said.
But i already had my skirt on, he held my hands…
“Babe, you are not serious right?” – he asked.
“Well I am” – I answered defiantly.
It would take another twenty minutes before he couldn’t hold it any longer and he just grabbed me and took me.
He kept saying “you are going to be mad at me anyways, you think I didn’t notice that you wouldn’t look me in the eyes, you haven’t forgiven me… I know, I’m not naive but that doesn’t mean you will come to my house and use me”
As he spoke, he lifted my skirt, moved my thong one way and just pushed his dick inside me, fucking me like I owed him money, his bruised ego spewing like a frothy foam on a glass of beer.
He shoved everything inside of me, his hands pressed to my neck, keeping my face glued to the couch.
When he finally reached orgasm, he took off the condom and then splattered the cum all over my face…
He didn’t take me home, I ended up staying there for one more week before I finally left. It was the last time I met him physically.
I could never trust him not to hurt me again.