“Mama, mummy,mummy help pleaseeee” – The sound of my son calling for help grew fainter and fainter as the battery in my hearing aides
“I’m at your door Ada, open up, I know you ain’t ready ,you lying bitch” -My friend eyum barked into the receiver.
I giggled because this confirmed that she knows me.
I opened the door and she flung her bag in my face “you see you, I knew it… but wait Ada, what is it with you and lateness, why don’t you ever,ever get ready on time?” – She asked. I couldn’t answer, as far as I was concerned, she was asking a rhetorical question. “Five minutes, just let me apply this mascara and I’ll be done jor, haba, is it this small lateness ,you are giving me hell for? – I laughed as I spoke. “Not funny babe, I can’t be late to my own party”- She looked serious this time so I hurried.
I grabbed the red dress I had kept on the chair and threw that on, then ran to my room to search for my shoes.
As i searched for them, i began to wonder, what was my reason for being perpetually late. Was I overestimating my ability to dress up quickly? Why did I always wait till the last minute before dressing up or even taking my bath? Truth be told, I don’t know why, I would keep watching a movie at 1:30 when I know I have to be somewhere else at 2pm. “BABE OOOO, PITY ME NA, WHAT THE FUCK” – She yelled, obviously getting agitated. “I’m done, I’m done” – I said as I rushed into the living room and we left for the party.
Click,clack, click clack, the sound of my heels reverberated around the well lit restaurant.
A colour faceted flower vase that had a wavy motif and a bunch of faux flowers made me swoon and I pointed it out to my friend. “Good evening
“Ada you need to join a dating site as a social experiment, we are releasing our app soon and we need to know what is out there in the market and how to upgrade” – Doro, my partner said. “Why me?” – I asked, my hands spread wide open. “Because you are a girl and you are eye-catchyish” – he said, his face registering a wide smile. “what the fuck is catchyish, so I’m not really eye-catchy, I’m somewhere in between… “ – I paused and continued – “This is why I killed one man in 1896, he used the exact same word catchyish. We both burst into laughter.
Later that day, I am on a popular dating app, swiping left, left, left, left x one thousand…. then one right. I was completely appalled by the laziness and entitlement of people, some people actually expect you to swipe right to a quote image and no bio, SERIOUSLY???? One thousand scrolls in, I see this guy, bio was witty, it read – “6.7 tall, Venture capitalist, been told, I make great noodles but I think that girl was just very hungry at that moment. At least be 5.7 & above so it’s not awkward”
Ouuuu, shade thrown, I swipe right and he sends a message almost immediately. “You seem rather eclectic” – the message read. “You tall racist” – I replied and continued typing. “We the short people take your bio as a call to war on us, how would you like to die? You freaking tall tribalist” “Lmao, how tall are you?” – TJ asks. “5.4” – I replied. “Ohh you are short, short, you do look interesting though”- he says “THIS IS SPARTAAAAA!!, nobody calls me short, I am Average height!!” – I replied. “you are killing me babe; I literally imagined minions around me trying to kill me when I saw the Sparta line”- he said. “Haa TJ, you’ll be the first to go down, just wait, my goons are coming”- I typed. “Please give me your number, I’m rarely here, I would like to know what you sound like, at least it will be easier for you to kill me over the phone, no?”- TJ said. “0-VII-0-III-VI-IX-III-IX-IV-III-I” – I replied.
“You see what they say about short people, always bringing trouble, I knew you’d be trouble, I could tell the moment I saw your picture, who on earth gives out roman numerals, where are we, did world time reset to 325BC and I am somehow unaware?”- TJ asked.
I replied with laughing emojis and logged out.
My phone was ringing as I stepped out of the bathroom, it was an unknown number, I picked the call “took you long enough, that’s the problem with tall people because they have so much body mass, their brain takes longer to boot” – I said
TJ burst out laughing – “gosh how do you come up with these things” – he said amidst the laughter. “it’s a special gift reserved for short people” – I replied.
We made small talk for a while and then agreed to meet after work the next day.
There was a popular lounge by the water close to my office, it seemed like a better option than having to travel miles just to meet this tall racist. At 4 pm, I dialled his number: “Hey, how are ya” – I said. “Hello, her roman empress” – his husky voice said. it had a drawl to it and a tiny tinge of pride. “We can meet at The cove lounge if that’s okay with you” – I said. “yes what time” – he responded. ‘how does 6 pm sound?” – I said “cool see you then” – he replied and hung up.
At 6 pm, I walked to the lounge and found a dimly lit corner to sit, I have always preferred the dark even though I was scared of it. It was familiar and it suits my personality better, my phone rang and I was struggling to get it out of my bag. “Hello, hello”- I said, seemingly out of breath. What is it with women and big bags and plenty items we don’t need, like someone please tell me what the fuck I need a hairbrush for when I have braids on? Maybe that’s why our lives are so shitty, we can’t even declutter our handbags and decide what items we need, how then can we decide which men are good for us. It’s the little things, the LITTLE things… “Hey, I’m here” – he said and continued “where are you?”. “errmm, I’m actually here too, I am closer to the door under the shade. – I responded. “uhmmm, I think you should come forward and let’s stay closer to the stage.
“uhmmm, I think you should come forward and let’s stay closer to the stage. Should I come get you? “ – he asked
Ohhh fuck- I thought, this nigga actually chose the brightest place in the room to sit, I hate this, I prefer the dark, I like to be at events and nobody can tell if I came, it never works because according to my best friend, I am a “Yallow PawPaw” “ok come get me” – I said as I got up and began to take baby steps towards the stage area. The problem with anxiety is that it never shuts up, it makes you feel like the world is looking at you while you are taking a shit in public.
I look up and there he was – a “yellower paw-paw” long like a highrise building, dressed in all black and this mysterious smile on his face. I’m watching this man crouch low… “wait wait wait, who are you trying to embarrass, dudddddeeeee, let’s sit down and we can hug when we are the same height” – I said and quickly walked away. I could hear him laughing behind me but I was already seated and pretending to read the menu. “How are you” – he said.
I could see him clearly now, the features of his face were softer than his pictures portrayed, he smiled at me and I smiled back. “oh my god, you wear glasses?” – he asked he was laughing, mocking me “ohh go fuck yourself” – I said. “feisty much?” – TJ said and continued, “so tell me what is it you do again?” “I work?” – my answer was rhetorical. I suck at talking about myself, I enjoyed listening to people’s stories. “I know you work Ada, what kind of work you crazy girl” – He said, his eyes fixed on me like he could my soul.
Why are you looking at me that way?” – I said, his look was unsettling. “I’m taking you in, its what I do, even for work… I like to hear the things… see the things you don’t say. you know as a VC, it’s easier for business owners to tell you what they think you want to hear just so you can invest in their business, but I see what they don’t say and that helps me make a decision on whether to invest or not. I take people in, it’s an old habit…. so yea, I’m taking you in” – TJ responded.
His voice sounded exactly like it did on the phone, I was prepared for that, what I didn’t anticipate were his eyes, they were exactly like mine. I’ve been told, I make people uncomfortable when I stare at them, TJ did the same to me.
As we talked about life, our careers, family, I would occasionally stare at him, he was such a beautiful man. When I stare, he would stare back. it was like….felt like we were making love to each other’s minds. We wanted each other, The shisha we ordered came in and we were both drinking and smoking and having a good time.
One time, we stopped, did nothing for two whole minutes except stare into each other’s eyes, it was electric, we were saying so much but our mouths never moved. TJ broke the long gaze when he said’ “I know two things about you Ada” – He said.
yea yea yea, everyone always think they know me, know something about me, I love to hear it, their little tiny theories about who, what they think I am and I love to see the look on their faces when I turn out to be the exact opposite. It’s for lack of a better word exhilarating. “pray tell, master” – I said, my hand bound together. “One, you are a control freak…and I don’t mean that in the way you think, you want everything in your life to be defined, you hate things you are unsure of and it causes you to lash out. If you are unsure or it’s not going the way you want it to, you freak out. You like mysterious people not because you like mystery but because it’s easy for you, way too easy for you to break down people’s walls, for you its a sport even and ….. wait, don’t punch me, it’s a bit sadistic, I like it.” “ouuuu Therapist TJ “ – i said, i was mocking him, I hate this guy, he was too smart, too good looking, too deep, too….. sinful. “Two..” – TJ said and continued “I will bet a year’s salary that you stay wet all through sex” –
I was uncomfortable now, this man was getting under my skin, he knew me, knew I was not the type to fall for flashy shows of wealth or manly bravado, I was a sapiosexual, you have to truly fuck my mind before you fuck me. It was the only way and he was doing a great job.
The long stares, the compliments about my hair, the conversation that somehow moved from Mozart to jazz, to quantum physics, to climate change, to tech, literature, to mental health and traumas all in one freaking night. He was master at tonight’s game and i walked in like a little lost sheep. I thought, tonight was conversation only, get a feel for each other before we decided what to do with each other but no, he had plans already, he knew exactly what he wanted to do with me…for me… to me. “what are you thinking right now?’ – TJ asks. “fuck no, no way I am telling what I was thinking, there is no way I’m dropping all my cards on the table… I know he was right, save your judgmental opinions for your friends, I am only a control freak sometimes, besides who told you guys being a control freak is wrong, what is wrong about wanting to have every part of your life in order, what is wrong if you freak out when things are not going your way… Nothing. “Nothing” – I said. “I will tell you what’s on my mind though” – He said, those delicious lustful eyes breaking every wall faster than I could rebuild them. “I didn’t ask” – I said. I wasn’t going to let him talk me into more vulnerability. “Tell me, what did you hate most about school” – TJ asked, he was trying to change the subject, I know this move, it was a classic up & squash (I trademarked this name). Up & squash is where you get your prey riled up then act totally uninterested. Its a totally narcissistic move but all is fair in love and war, or so they say.
I played along, I needed to think about something else, this thought about how big TJ’s dick would considering he is 6.7 wasn’t helping, also not helping was the thought of whether we were going to have sex, the wetness in the thong I had on wasn’t helping, pretty sure everything happening to me at that moment wasn’t helping… “Earth to Ada, earth to Ada, tell me what did you hate the most about school? – TJ said, this naivety he was displaying, acting like he couldn’t tell that I was fighting some urge I had inside of me was out of this world. “What do you think about these people there” – he said, nodding towards a trio, two tables from us
I turned and looked at them – “the man is on his phone because he is completely turned off, that girl came with her friend because she isn’t attracted to the man, she is only here either because she is bored or she needs something from him. They will only have this drink and then they will all leave because they can all tell that this outing was a waste of all their time” – I said
Just then, the barman walks in and hands the bill to the man, two tables away. “You are good “ – TJ says. “what do you think of these ones behind us” – I asked. “erm, ok… he’s probably with his aunt or something… I think.” – TJ said. “Wrong” – I started to say – “a married woman with her boy toy, the face cap is supposed to be a disguise, probably bored in her day to day life, hence the need to stay here, I mean close to the stage, otherwise, they would stay close to the gate where it is darker”
He burst out laughing, then he coughed and I couldn’t help but stare at his perfect face. He looked perfect.
He coughed a bit, he had a smoked a bit too much. “sorry I said” – I was staring now, completely lost and he stared back “I hear you, Everything you aren’t saying, I can hear it” – He said. I was silent. “do you want another drink?” – TJ asked.
don’t say it, Ada don’t say it… “Are you going to fuck me ?” – I blurted out, he turned to look at me and he shook his head. “Yes I am going to, but first I have wondered all evening what your lips would taste like, I like the way you talk, I love the way your skin felt when I hugged you, can I kiss you” – TJ responded.
I didn’t wait for him to finish before jumping him, my lips eating up his, my hands around his head, probing his tongue with mine. Gosh, his lips were so soft, I couldn’t let go. “Let’s go to my place” – I said. “ok” – TJ responded.
We got to my place and i led the way in. “Welcome to my humble home” – I said.
TJ grabbed me and kissed, his hands grabbing my ass, his back slouched in half, I was on tippy toes. “I need to shower, I feel icky” – I said as I took off my dress.
I walked into the bathroom, and when I got out, TJ was on the bed, smoking a cigarette I left on the table.
I laid beside him and he started kissing me, his hands squeezing my soft skin, pressing me hard against him like he expected me to melt some more. “you are so fluffy” – He said as he began to lick my neck, his hands playing with my nipples, I held his head, looked into his eyes and said – “I want you to fuck me, no questions asked, don’t be nice, pound me till I cum”. His eyes widened, he was ready to play.
He got up, grabbed his side bag and brought out a pack of condom, he put one on, spread my legs apart and stayed on top of me, gave me a gentle kiss, touched my pussy and shook his head. “You just showered and yet see how wet you are, I am right, you get wet, wet” – TJ said, his hands strolling through my nipples to my mouth, straight into my mouth, my tongue circling his fingers, licking, sucking… my breast soft, nipples hard, fluffy body pressed against his skin. “Take me daddy, take me please” – I said.
TJ shoved some horse stick inside me and I could swear, my breathing ceased. he took it out with the same brute force as when he put it in. “Ohh, gawd, fuck, oh fuck” – I yelled. “ssshhhhh, babe, it’s 2…” Tj was saying as he pushed his dick back in again “am..2am babe” – He was talking and pounding me just as I asked. “ohh gawd” – I was moaning, my breast pressed against his body, my hands wrapped around his back, my body exhausted already but yet craving more. This was too much, he was too much. “in-out, in-out, like a long pipe a plumber was trying to fit into a tiny hole, soaked dripping wet pussy clinging to that dick, I was milking it. dick out, my titties in his mouth, one nipple, soft lick, tongue grazing, that look to check if I like it, my head was thrown back in pleasure, second nipple, ohhh fuck, that’s my favourite, circular licks now, then grab both of them and stuff it into his mouth. “ohh gawdd, leave me alone, you bad, bad man” – I said, I didn’t want to be left alone, I wanted to be fucked. I wanted him to fuck me.
He stopped and turned me around , I arched my back at an angle like a tigress crouching to catch her prey. That was when I saw it, this monster cock this beautiful man was fucking me with… I touched it, “do you like it” – he asked. I shook my head and braced myself.
Long, big, thick cock going in and out of my pussy, pushing in air and dragging out wetness with every thrust. He grabbed my hip with one as he smacked my ass with the other, my wet pussy getting wetter with every motion. He slid his right hand up until he was cupping my breast in his hand, gently squeezing and running his finger over my hard nipples as he fucked me. I grabbed his arm and pulled his hand away from my boobs and placed on my clit nudging him to rub on it so i could cum
I could feel every soft, plush stroke as both finger and dick pleasured my pussy. “Ohhh fuck”- i yelled as TJ pulled my hair, he dragged me back towards him forcing my pussy to take in all his cock, his tongue plastering long wet kisses on my face, ears, back.
He was choking me now, fucking me like an animal, asking me if i wanted him to go harder, who my daddy was. I couldn’t breathe, both my holes had been shut. Mouth stuffed with fingers, pussy stuffed with dick. My knees were weakening. I pushed my ass, wetting that dick, taking it, ass clapping as it moved, body quivering from pleasure, moans and screams rendered the air. I was being pounded, good dick shoving in and out of me.
Then come the Slow thrusts, he leans forwards, half-turns my face and kissed me, Our mouths mashed together as we joined in a lustful embrace, our hands travelling each others bodies as we were grinding on each other, his soft hands drawing lines on my clit while he kissed me.
I was soaking wet and groaned as he resumed fucking me again, he began with slow strokes until the full length of his hard dick was enveloped by my warmth. i turned around and saw him throw his head back, he paused to enjoy the feeling before fucking me faster and harder, his thick cock pushing deep on each thrust. “Ohhh fuck me, fuckk meeeee”- i was yelling, it seemed like I’d explode. I gave a loud groan as I climaxed.
As Your Lordship Pleases
I got tired, at some point, I said FUCK THIS. It hurt, still do. It’s a constant reminder that so many things I tell myself that I’d be, I’d do are nothing but words in my head.
It gets innately tiring, you sit, you watch, the clock ticking your life away, you pause, your pulse, slowly charging your blood to flow freely, just to remind you that you are still alive.
Is this what I have become, a weakling, slut, trash, ugly, fucking, depressed, maniacal people pleaser. Do I have no respect for myself. At what point in my life, did I break. I used to think that if I could just remember what point my whole life turned around, maybe I would be more closer to healing. Maybe I could find a way to banish that memory and I could get closer to healing, but too many bruises and scars, I don’t even remember which came first.
I think I stopped growing at 17, maybe even less, I’m childish, I throw tantrums, I breathe, shake it off, then cry only to feel some type of pain forcing itself on me. “who are you, what are you?” – I would ask no one, the crickets in the dark chirping my secrets to each other. Then Silence… Silence that deafens, hand over mouth, screams trying to escape between my fingers but I’d shove them back down my throat. “Big girls don’t cry” – I’d say.
I have been so dependent for as long as I can remember, weaning yourself off codependency as an alcoholic depressive is a whole nother work on its own.
Breathe, stay calm, pick up your phone, scroll, scroll, “ermmm not you, you bite my pussy the other day” “hmmm hi you, maybe this boy, no he doesn’t have sense”- scroll, scroll, scroll….
“hmmm you. Yes you, you talk a good game, let me see what that tongue can do”
Maybe you can fuck this sadness out of me.
Dials number “hi, are you home?,” – – – “OK I’m coming over”
Dressed in a summer dress, ass jiggling, heels clanking like a red light district slut. Glasses on with the thread holder , because no one sees glasses and think slut first, they think nerd with sexual appeal. 😋
Twenty minutes later, I’m sitted at this man’s house, watching him be nice, offering me what to drink. He’s trying to be cute and gentlemanly while all I thought about was how to get him to pound me. “Thank you” – I said as he dropped the drink on the table and resumed playing his video game.
Fair skin, hair cut, lips thick and pink… My eyes ran across his body, imagining the things I would do to him. “do you play video games” – he asked, cutting me short. “ermm what?” – I said, looking lost. “I said do you play video games?” – He repeated, a smile on his face this time. “yeaa, but not fifa, just games where they fight” – I responded…. “hmmm. Why so violent though?” – he asked, laughing, before he continued “do you like fighting?”… “Yes, I’m an expert of some sorts in online fighting and other types of fights” – I said, and closed my eyes halfway in some makeshift attempt at winking. “what kind, pray tell” – he said, this time pausing the video game.
I can show you if you don’t mind. I throw a mean punch.
“make a fist” – He says, his arms folded across his chest. I folded my palm; “see I’m not your mate” – I said.
He walks towards me, held my fist up and burst into laughter. “This is the most girly girlish hands I’ve ever seen, your stance is all wrong, you would have been beaten a lot in secondary school”… He said, he was mocking me. “haa. Me? I used to beat everybody both boys and girls (side note. Anybody that starts a statement with Haa me? Is about to tell a lie)
He sat near me now – in my head, I thought” oh yes better, I didn’t come here for a long distance relationship. “how was work during the week?” – “I was surprised to hear from you, today must be my lucky day” – He said without waiting for a reply to the first question. “Week was great and I was bored today” – I said. “How can I unbore you? – he asked, drawing air quotes when he said unbore.
He ran his hand behind the back of my neck, looking intently at me, as he waited for an answer..
I couldn’t answer before I found his lips on mine. Soft like melted butter, he kissed like he missed me, his hands patting my back, he was trying not to be too forward. “hey hey hey, what are you doing? – I said, amidst kisses.” I’m trying to spice up your life- He said and stopped – “I’m sorry, I have always wanted to do that, I’m sorry”. The respect was such a turn on. He continued – “if you say no, we could just play video games together and I can make you some noodles or order you some pasta, but I make the best noodles in the world… In Africa at least” – I watch this sexy man school me about consent “I respect women a lot, I was wrong but on gawd, I really want you. If you are uncomfortable with it, I’ll stop”. The more he talked, the more I zoned out, I could see the movement of his hands as he explained further on the respect he has for women and how consent was needed. I tried, mehn I tried to listen but all I could see was him on top of me, kissing me. “COME EAT MY PUSSY” – I said out loud, it felt like someone else said it. It came from nowhere, it was abrupt and the 1 minute awkward silence that ensued was laughable.
Once it dawned on him what I just asked, he said “come with me, I want to show you something”. He held my hands softly and made me walk in front of him, I walked slowly, I could feel his eyes on my back but I didn’t turn around. “Here” he said – as he opened the bedroom door. “This is where I’m going to eat you, I’m going to take off your dress, tie you to this bed and make you cum for the next 6 hours, you can’t scream, if you do, I’ll fuck you really hard, feel my dick” – he held my hand and put it on his cock.
“you see how big it is, I’ll push everything inside you, if you get too loud, do you understand?”. I was so turned on, all I did was nod my head like a little girl. “Now turn around, I want to take off your dress”
My dress dropped to the floor, I stepped out from it, my hand in front of me, covering my fat belly.
He knelt down and kissed my ass, taking big swipes off each cheek. My knees were almost caving, I felt like he noticed it too because he wrapped one of his arms around my legs and kissed every skin on my back, he would go all the way to the top, kissing my waist, back, my ass, in between my thighs, everywhere except my pussy. His tongue was extra wet, every swipe, sent chills up my spine. “babe” – I moaned… He didn’t answer, all he did was eat my ass, his hands on my fat belly serving as an anchor.
” ohhh gawd fuckkk” – I moaned. “don’t stop”. Then he stopped. “wait here” – he said. “ehh, what, why. OK sorry, I won’t be loud again, I promise, just don’t stop” – I was rambling. “I’ll be back in a minute” – he said as he opened the door and walked away.
I sat down, pausing to catch a breath, my pulse charging, sending blood to all the nether regions.
I came alive.
I wanted him.
I wanted nothing else.
The door opened. “Get on the bed” – he said as he increased the fan speed of the air conditioning.
I laid on the bed, my hand on top my stomach, I was hiding the bulge before he spoke to me. “Ada, I love your body, every inch”. He got up and spread my legs, he took off my heels, and put my toes in his mouth. Ohhh gawdddd, having your toes licked is a different sweetness on its own… He cuffed my leg to the bed, then the did the other, walked to the top and cuffed my hands. ” Are you comfortable?”- he asked.
He turned on the TV, grabbed a game console and started playing a game. “ermmmm OK????” – I thought “are you going to leave me like this?” – I asked…. SILENCE.
He dropped the console and laid in between my legs, “Don’t Scream” he said before his tongue plastered delicious kisses on my pussy, he slurped and ate every inch of my pussy. Tongue fucking me, stop, lick from vulva to clit, drop tongue on clit and lick in circular motions with his finger stuck inside me.
Ohh God I screamed, I yelled even… He got up, juices stuck in his beards, “Ada I said don’t scream, you are too small for me, you can’t handle this, if I fuck you, you might die, stop screaming, you are driving me crazy” – while he talked, his finger was shoving in and out of me, I kept screaming. He put his other hand on his mouth making a “silent” sign. “please daddy, ohhh fuckkkk, I’m tired, I want to rest” – I said.
In 6 hours – he said.
I kept screaming, this mad man Sani kept eating me. I couldn’t move, the bed was soaked, wetness dripped down my butt. When he saw, I was not stopping, he got down, wore a condom, came back on the bed, took off the cuffs and I bolted straight for the door. I was at the door when I realized it was locked. “are you done running?, Damn you are so cute. Look at you” – he smiled, his dick dangling in front of him as he came for me. “I’m tired, please leave me alone” – I said. “OK, OK, go and rest” – he said as he took off the condom.
I heaved a sigh of relief and laid on the bed, Sani waited until I was fully relaxed before walking to me. He stroked my hair and placed a kiss on my forehead.
“I’m tired, you promised to let me rest” – I said. “yeah, you can rest, he said as he cuffed my left hand, he got on the bed and cuffed my other hand. “i am tired” I kept saying. “let me rest for 5 minutes” – Sani didn’t bulge. He raised my leg up, licking my pussy slowly, kissing my thighs. He spat on my pussy, then plastered his tongue to slurp it up. “your pussy is so beautiful, gawdddd I could stay here forever” – He said.
I pulled on the sheets, wriggling my legs and thighs to try to break free, my moans getting louder with each lick.
He would flick his tongue from my vulva up to my clit, then press his tongue down hard to my clit, sucking on it like it had the elixir of youthfulness.
He got up, came up to my face and said
“kiss me like you missed me”
I kissed him passionately, my tongue running through his mouth like I lost something inside of it.
He licked the side of my face, then bit my lower lip. “kiss me again” – he said and I did… Licking his lips while his fingers flicked my hard nipples; long strokes on my nipples, as his tongue drained out my mouth. “Gawd, I want you, I want you so bad” – He said while he moved downwards and grabbed both my tits. “untie me” – I said, my eyes straining to catch his. Sani didn’t bulge, instead he took a big lick of my nipples, forcing both into his mouth, my big balloons pouring out from the side of his mouth. My body quivering, I held the sheets – “untie me please” – I begged.
He paid me zero attention, licking, sucking, slurping on my nipples. He was trying to force all of it into his mouth “please stop… don’t stop… please… stop.. please don’t stop… I… I…. Stop… Oh… Ummmm…. Fuckkk…. Untie… Un… Tie…. Mee..” Sani didn’t stop, he kept licking, he would stop, look at me, then take 4 slow licks with his tongue, the voraciously suck on my nipple, slow thugs, that send excitement down my spine. “I want you”- I said. “I know” – he replied, he was having fun, enjoying the hell he was putting me through.
He had me exactly where he wanted, Wetness dripping down my thighs, titties wet, face wet from slurpy kisses, want seeping through my pores.
Then he stopped, just stopped licking. Got up, took the condom out and started stroking his dick while staring at my now wet tits.
“Gosh I’m going to enjoy fucking you” – Sani said, his finger stroking my clit. “untie me please… Babe” – I said.
He didn’t respond, he grabbed a condom, wore it and cuffed my left leg, then the right. “I don’t want you kicking and fighting, while I’m making love to you”. He lowered himself onto me, his thick cock sliding through the wetness.. “ohhhhh fuckkkkk” – we said in unison.
Biceps on titties, heads bent in each other’s shoulders, dick sliding in and out of wetness, kisses slurp…. Slurp…. Hear the wetness spurting, kisses, then hard dick pounding in and out of me. “ohh fuck, Yasss zaddy, don’t stop, please”
. He had no intention to, I was his, to do with as he pleased.
“spread those legs for daddy” – he said as I was wriggling my thighs trying to break free.
I needed to hold this man pounding me. He fucked me, stopping halfway sometimes to kiss me, dick sliding in and out. Burp… Burp… Burp… Skin slapping skin…. “Fuck… Your pussy… I love this pussy” – Sani said, while pounding, slow thrusts, fast thrusts, hard thrusting, 180 dick roll that combed every wall. “ohh my gawd, daddy, fuck me please. I need this dick. I need it bad” – I said.
He took out his dick, slid down in one small swoop and licked my pussy, kissed my thighs, licked my butt, then ate my pussy, my wetness spilling to his face.
He tapped my pussy, slow soft tap, then spat on it before sucking me. “ahhhh…. I wa… I…. Ahhhh… Nooo… Sa… San… I…. Wannn… Don’t… Fuck… Stop…. Please…. Pleaseeee… Saniiii…. I’m…ohhh dadddyyyyy… You are fucking killing me” – I was going crazy, I screamed.
He stopped licking, stuck two fingers in my mouth while he stroked my pussy with his other hand.
I licked his finger, my tongue running in between the finger. “you are a bad girl, I love fucking bad girls” – he said, as soon as he took off his fingers and began to uncuff me..
“can I have coffee, black?” I heard a baritone voice say behind me. The waitress looked at me and then her eyes glanced at the man behind me, she was letting him know that she heard him but that I was here first. I didn’t turn around, instead I continued placing my order” please make that 3 croissants please”- I said. “Wheat or?” – the waitress asked. “yuck” – I said and we both laughed.
As she packed my order; my mind drifted, I thought about how certain looks convey a thousand words, like just now. The waitress didn’t say anything to “Mr eau de parfum” behind me, all she did was look at him and I think I heard him murmur an “ok”, I’m not sure. It reminded me of a time when I was younger, I think about 6 or 7 years old, and a neighbour had asked me to go check what the time was, I went into the house and when I returned, I confidently said “the time is twelve three”. The time was twelve:fifteen, but i didn’t know that, I was young and in my defence, telling the time was not yet in my term schedule. It took only one glance from my waffarian mother to know that I would be dying from the strokes of cane, she plans to give me when my neighbour leaves, Just ONE look and my “dearth warrant” was signed.
My neighbour added more salt to my mother’s open embarrassment by telling us how her son was my age and could tell time perfectly, my mother smiled but when she looked at me, i knew, yes i knew in my heart that the world either ended or I would. Its a miracle I survived that day.
“ma, you can pay here” – the waitress signaled to me, as she punched in my order into the point of sale machine. “Hello sir” – Another waitress said. “yes, Hello, can I get Coffee, Black” – Mr Parfum said.
As I walked out of the bistro, Mr parfum said “Hello”, I smiled but I didn’t say Hello back.
The bistro was not far from my office so I walked, the morning sun melting my skin. A distant melody played in my head, it was a dirty song, very nasty song and I laughed at myself for hating the song yet remembering the lyrics. I guess my mum was right afterall, you always remember the bad things first. I laughed again, this time, wary of passers-by thinking, I’m running mad. I put my hand over my mouth, my lip gloss staining my palm, but the need to laugh wouldn’t go away, so i just let it out as I sang:
“I no know wetin I do, wey you pound me like fufu, you make my toto dey pain me, okogbolor, you are too bad. You fuck me too hard o, too hard, I no know Wetin I do, wey you pound me like fufu, you make my…” I burst into laughter, always hated the word T O T O, it was crass, dirty and just such a nasty pet name for vagina. While I struggled through holding back laughter and shaking my head vigorously so that I could forget this nasty song, a car honked behind me, i moved to the side of the road to let it pass but it slowed down. “Hello Beautiful” – it was Mr Eau de parfum. “Hi” – I said smiling, I was wondering if he had seen me acting like a mad person. “you are such a pretty girl” – he said. “OK? Thanks.” – I replied, I hated compliments, I don’t know what to do with them and frankly I don’t think I deserve them. “errmmm, I’m late for work” – he said, pacing his words. “ok, you shouldn’t be on the road then” – I said, matter of factly. “can i call you later?” – he asked. “how would you do that, do you have a spiritual message or voice transporter?” – I was being sarcastic. “Touché” – he replied and laughed. “My name is Obinna, what’s yours? Can I drop you off, so we can talk some more?” – he asked. “How am I sure, you are not a serial killer?” – it was rhetorical. “Waoh! OK, well I’m not a serial killer young lady, it’s just easier than talking on the road” – Obinna said and continued “can I know your name at least?”. “Ada, my name is Ada” – I said and I opened his car door and sat down, “that’s my office down the road”
“Thank you Ada for entering my car, now let me call the chief priest to inform him that the sacrifice is ready” – Obinna said, smiling. “That’s not funny” – I said, smacking him across the right shoulder. “Ouch” – Obinna chirped playfully. “so, Miss Ada, I’m going to drive at 10km/hr to increase my less than 1 minute with you” – Obi said. “OK? As far as I get to the office eventually” – I said and we both laughed.
Obi works as a financial analyst for a private equity firm, he came off as overtly confident and a bit too keen in my opinion.
When we got to my office, I gave him my card to which he responded “Thank God, I was about literally about to bring out my guns”. We both laughed before he drove off.
Four days had passed before obi called, I didn’t think about him that much, neither did I wonder why he didn’t call. Dating had become a chess game, it was a case of maintaining as much *aloofness* as possible. I don’t blame people who play the game, if you let yourself go, people take advantage of you. “Hello Beautiful Ada” – He said, as if he didn’t just go AWOL for days. “Hello who’s this” – I asked. “It’s your future husband” – Obi replied. “Sorry you have the wrong number” – I said. “Ouuchh, who hurt you Ada?” – Obi said playfully. “Well some of us learn from other people’s experiences, Mr Obinna–I said. ” so you do know who this is” – Obinna said. “Yes, your voice remains the same” – I said.
Obi was calling to schedule a date, dinner on Friday or Saturday. He found a new bistro he wanted to take me to. After all the sarcastic, pun – filled, word sparring, I finally agreed to let him take me to dinner today… ◽ ◽ 🔲 The dinner is at 7pm today… When I return, I will conclude this story.
This was the ______ date ever!
It was 7pm; I wore a thigh high side slit glittering dress because a bit of skin never killed nobody…
“Hello” – I said into the receiver, a couple of seconds after my phone rang.
“Hi Ada, I’m outaide” – he said, his voice feeling a warm palm on my skin.
I smiled “I’ll be down in a minute” and ended the call.
I walked to the tall mirror in my room, stretching my legs to ensure the slit showed the right amount of thigh. I ran my hands through my body, giggling as I thought about ‘black coffee’s’ hand on my body.
What’s a great date without great sex?
I got downstairs, walked to the car and there he was in all his 6 feet tall glory, fighting another driver who bashed his car.
I literally walked into a fight. Blows were flying left, right, center. I had to take off my heels, I ran inside to get my gate man, Mohammed to help me pacify this man but Black coffee wouldn’t listen, he almost punched Mohammed.
After a couple of minutes, other drivers intervened and the fight ended. This man turned to look at me, gave a big sigh, entered into his car and drove off!
I just stood there looking like a mumu.
This date was the worst date ever!
This was one of the reasons why I didn’t want to complete the story.
Do It Anyway
First, you jump off a cliff and build your wings on the way down, seems scary right? It was to me too, at first when I saw this quote, I thought who writes this shit! Everyone always trying to sound philosophical but yet they can’t invent anything.
Why in God’s name would I jump off a cliff when I know I can’t fly, let’s just say on this day I was really hungry and my brain wasn’t working at full capacity (so much for 10% usage)
After a complete meal of Afang soup and pounded yam followed by a local beer ( not doing free adverts) … Yes, a local girl drinks beer… chop-chop, move it along and hold your beer belly snide remarks, let’s continue!
I finally got it, it’s a different or edgier version of NIKE’s “JUST DO IT” and you know me I’m all for living on the edge. My derivation from this “quote” was, do it scared, do it weak, do it running, do it standing, just do it… you will die anyway (this is me adding a bit of dark humour not like I’m saying you will actually die).
When you are at that edge that seems like moving forward is deadlier than moving backwards. JUMP OFF THE CLIFF. Sometimes, we become our truest selves under the most intense of pressure.
MAKE SURE YOU SMASH THE SHIT OUT OF TODAY!
Bimbo My Friend
On my way home today, I saw an old friend of mine coming out of the same office building, I just had a meeting in. “Haa Bimbo??” – I screamed and continued my usual friendship jabs “where you dey go with your bow leg”. She smiled, “You have not changed Ada” – she said, nonchalantly. “I be chameleon, wey I dey change?” – I replied in pidgin.
There was an awkward second of silence where neither of us said anything before I broke it- “so errrmmm, what are you doing here?” – I asked. “I had an interview here” – she said, this time she half turned to face me, at that moment, it hit me that she was not her usual self, we had not seen each other physically in almost 8 months and the Bimbo I knew, would scream and call you a “whore” once every 10 seconds. “You fucking whore” was her favourite phrase but here we were having a totally awkward chat.
The boring conversation went on for another two minutes until I couldn’t take it anymore. “OUT WITH IT, WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS THAT TOOK YOUR SPARK AWAY, JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT ALREADY!” – I was almost yelling.
She turned fully and said, “my husband left me for his colleague, they relocated to Canada together and now I have to cater for 2 children all by myself. I have been job hunting but Ada no jobs, Life is so unfair and I am just tired”
Long story short, I now have 2 kids and a live in partner(non-sexual)
The moral of this post is not Men are Scum like most of you think, (my sugar daddy has been nice recently, so i can’t be on this train😂😊) it is that people have been wired not to share their problems, some are afraid that you might see them as a burden. if a friend shows significant decline in their mannerism, its your duty as a friend to ask and get to the bottom of it.
My close friends know I don’t take “I AM FINE” as the answer to anything, it’s a fake response that has been ingrained into our heads as a default answer to Everything. •You are in the hospital: How are you? You say I am Fine… Well obviously you are not.
I know what you are thinking, people are trying to be optimistic but loosing your mind just because you want to be optimistic should not be the case.
HOW TO FINGER A GIRL
Fingering is the handjob for women, it’s supposed to be an easy task but you can barely see what you’re doing which makes you prone to hitting the wrong spot or the right spot at the wrong time.
I’m going to help you not make these mistakes, so you don’t bruise your partner during foreplay or sex. •1) Trim your nails!! No-one wants long nails inside her – your ex lied to you, probably to massage your ego. Pussy Skin Matter😂!! Stop Bruising us! 😭 •2) Don’t finger a woman if she is not wet!! Please stop, some men believe dipping a finger or two inside the woman would help her get wet faster,😪😫 this is not true! You will only end up bruising your partner. 😫If your lady has issues with wetness, there are products available to help them get wet easily. Contact @meafterdarkk to learn more. •2) Fingering is a 2 way job, In or Out. In refers to curved fingers inside the Vagina to flick on the gspot, Out refers to soft petting on the labia and clit. It’s best to gauge the woman’s reaction to your touch, only she can tell you if she wants your fingers inside or outside.😘 •4) Start with one finger and gently build up the anticipation, make sure she is very wet before introducing another finger. Don’t introduce both fingers at the same time and just because you have 5 fingers doesn’t mean you should use all 🙄 •5) Now that you have your fingers inside her; Imagine your fingers as tiny dicks and mimic the in and out motion you do during sex. While you’re fingering her like this, keep her clit in mind. Rub it with your palm as you slide your fingers back and forth, and with your fingertips try to drag just a bit of her inner walls with you. Switch it up by curving your fingers slightly when you go in and apply pressure to the g-spot, hit it with your fingertips on the way in; rub her clit with your palm on the way out. • Some extra tips; have your partner face you & kiss her while finger fucking her or have your partner stay in doggy position so you can’t eat her ass while fingering. Whichever position you choose, you’ll probably want to speed up and slow down as time goes on, but when she is close to orgasm you need to stay very consistent.
Are you afraid? – He asked, his hands running through my hair, the blood trickling down my face. He squatted, his face barely a few inches away from mine, his horrible breath enveloping my face, he dragged my hair, lifting my face upwards and he asked “Are you Afraid?” I heaved and struggled to hold back the tears brewing.
ARE YOU AFRAID?? – He screamed at me, spit from his mouth plastered all over my face, I squeezed my face in disgust, heaving and sighing as much as I could. “Where una keep the girl” – He asked me? “I don’t know sir, I don’t know anything about any girl, I have only been to this house twice”. “ok you no wan talk abi?, no worry, spider bring that pliers come for me, i go show this ashawo say here no be hotel”…
“please sir, please, I don’t know anything about any girl, I’m a student, I have only been to this house twice, I went to the market to buy things for soup, when I got back, I saw you guys, I don’t know anything, I’m still a student, check my bag, my school ID is there, I can call my HOD, I can ask my room mate to bring my admission letter, I know nothing about a girl, I don’t know anything ” – I kept yelling, the words pouring faster as the other man with the pliers got closer. ” boss, see the pliers dem” – He said, handing it to the man with the bad breath.. “please, I beg you, I know absolutely nothing, I have no idea what is going on, check my phone, my password is bahamas, see our BBM messages, see when we met. I swear to you, I know nothing about any girl”.. Bad breath wasn’t listening, instead he kept playing with the set of pliers, deciding on which one to use, then he yelled at spider again.
Bring me that hammer make i take one of her finger. “Haaa sir, I swear on my life, kill me today or tomorrow, you will see that you have killed the wrong person, you can confirm all I have said if you just go through my phone, it will only take a minute… Spider brought the hammer, he was also holding my handbag, he gave bad breath the hammer and he held my phone, “Wetin you call the password again” – “B A H A M A S” – I spelt it out loud, “his BBM name is owoade, have you seen it?” – He didn’t respond, my body stiffened.
Silence… Hammer swinging from left to right looking for bones to crush, bad breath smiling, his rotten teeth looked like we were on the set of a horror movie. “Sir have you seen it, I’m telling you the truth, please I’m the only child of my parents, I have never stolen a dime in my life, I am not a thief, I don’t know anything about any girl, I am…”… “if you no shut-up, I go give you better slap” – bad breath said, cutting me short. The hammer in one hand, pliers in the other; he was pure evil, I could see the blood lust in his eyes, he wanted to break me so bad.
We heard screaming and we turned around, there was a man, he was dragged in by some other people, I blinked, the blood on my head was covering my eyes, the cuffs made it impossible for me to clean off the blood. Bad breath walked towards the screaming man and i could hear him kicking and shouting at the man. Finally, I thought, at least someone else to bear the brunt of his anger… “O’boy Wetin you still dey read?” – he asked spider and continued “make we clear this girl comot here”… “Remove the handcuffs” – Spider said… “Sir, have you seen it, have you seen it sir” – I asked, relief coursing through my veins… A slap landed on my face, it felt like the hammer was used on my face… “I think i tell you, make you shut up” – bad breath said in pidgin and continued “try am again, you go receive times 2”
My head was ringing “Ada steady, Ada, Adaaa, focus or you will die here, Adaaa” – my mind called out to me… I was dragged from the floor to a chair, I cleaned the blood as much as I could from my face, praying the ringing stopped, I was sure that I was now partially deaf. “No be you dem dey talk to” – Bad breath said, hitting the table! “Sorry sir, I’m sorry sir” – I said… “Tell me everything from the beginning” – spider said.
On October 1, my friend Sarah invited me to a birthday party, we lived in the same hostel in school. She said, it was her boyfriend’s birthday and she wanted a lot of her female friends to attend the party so that it wouldn’t be boring.
I and about 30 other girls from my hostel attended the party, it started at about 2pm and we got there around 3pm.
There was a dance competition, where we went around chairs and at the end of that competition, I won. The price money was N5,000, Ade was the one that gave out the price money.
After I collected the money, he asked for my number and I gave it to him and that’s how we met. •
“What is the name of your friend’s boyfriend?” – Bad breath asked. “Chinedu” – I said. “For where una do this party? ” – spider asked in pidgin… “For Chinedu house, I know the place, I fit take you there” – I replied in pidgin…. “OK Wetin come happen after you give am your number?” – bad breath said, spurring me to continue… “He collected my bbm pin, and he added me on bbm. Once in a while, he’d write me messages asking about my schooling and welfare. The conversations were usually short. ” ” So na your boyfriend?” – bad breath asked.
I nodded, ashamed to even say it.
A man walks towards us and they all stood at attention to greet the man. The new man looked at me and asked “Is this the suspect?”… and bad breath responded
“Yes sir”…. I couldn’t help it anymore, I began to cry, I had never been in that position before… “put her in the cell, chief is around, we are having a meeting upstairs with him”
Bad breath got up, dragged me by the arm and dropped me in a cell. He locked the gate and that was when the tears came free flowing, I couldn’t help myself, I felt lost, dejected and unlucky.
Flies buzzed around my wound, the women at the station counter laughed hysterically at some show on TV, I hated them, here I was, struggling to breathe, fighting for my life and they were right in front of me laughing. What in God’s name could be that funny?
In that moment; I realised, I was truly on my own. I sat on the floor, my back pressed to the wall, tears mixed with blood trickling down to the blue shirt I had on, I remembered, I remembered everything, everything that got me to this point. “October 1, independence party, they had called it, the girls in my hostel squealing like rats… please pass me your eyeliner, I could hear one girl say, please pass me your brown powder, said some one else… Ada what are you wearing, don’t over dress o, you are not the celebrant’s girlfriend, my room mate said… It seemed like a carnival, the mood was gay, everyone was happy, girls were running up and down the stairs, borrowing makeup, wigs, lipsticks, dresses, just so they could look their best”
I remembered sarah knocking on my door, yelling “Adaaa ooo, we are late please, if you come outside, other girls will hurry up”…. “I’m sorry, I dey come” – I said to her in pidgin, checking out my curves in the half broken mirror, planning how I would hold my stomach in.
I remembered everything.
I told bad breath and spider that I met Ade at the party, what I didn’t add was that we were the last contenders in that dancing competition and I dragged the chair away and he fell on the floor all because I wanted to win.
I didn’t add that while I danced, Ade was grinding on me, while I flung my hips from side to side dancing to lady saw’s PRETTY PUSSY, his hard dick pressed against my soft bum, his hands parting my hair, as he whispered sweet nothings to my ears. We were smitten with each other, him more than me. I wasn’t there to impress anyone, I played, danced and laughed hard. He was turned on by my realness.
I didn’t add that while we danced, his hands roamed all through my body, grabbing my ass, fingers running through my hair, “Your body is so soft” constantly whispered in my ears, lots of I want you and I can’t wait to have you whispered on a loop as our bodies touched.
I didn’t add the kiss, how primal it felt, we had both baited each, it was clear as day that we would do this, there was no feeling of love just a complete tussle for control, we both wanted to be in charge and neither of us was willing to back down. we aimed to tame, he used words, I used my tongue taking long swipes on his face, letting him know I wasn’t afraid, I wasn’t going to back down to please his ego. I like challenges, I loved the thrill of a chase.
He laughed at some point and said “You are a very stubborn girl”
“So are you” – I replied, letting my tongue nibble on his ears. “What’s your name?” – he asked… “Ohh you already forgot?” – I asked, teasing him… “I heard your friends call you but it has escaped my mind, do you even know my name?” – Ade asked… “No I don’t, I don’t think I even want to know your name, because after today, we may not see again?”- I said. “Ohh wow” – Ade exclaimed.. •
• “Aunty you need pure water” – one of the women at the counter asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. “Yes ma” – I said
She handed me 2 sachet water, both hot, I opened the water and drank, it burned my throat but i didn’t mind, I was so thirsty. I tried to wash my face with the other but it felt like I was going to die!! “Fuckkkkkk, aaaarrgghhhh, fuccckkkkkk” – I cursed…
The pain shot through my spine. Lesson to self, don’t pour water on an open wound”
The laughter again , the one that gave me the water bade farewell to the others as she left. “Fuckkk” – I screamed this time, I needed to wash this wound, the side of my face felt sticky, I remove the satin scarf which I used as a belt on my jeans and made a stupid attempt to cover the wound. My head nearly exploded in pain… The tears came pouring again, I was loosing my mind and I thought I would die there…. •
• “Let’s go back to my hotel” – Ade said as we moved to a corner outside the house to talk, the music was too loud inside the house. “Lick my pussy first and then I will think about whether or not I want to go back with you. – I said, defiantly.
He kissed his lips and dropped to his knees, raising one of my legs and placing it on his shoulder, he shifted my panties and his tongue went to work, sucking and licking my pussy, I tried to stay steady, but his tongue was sending bouts of pleasure too fast for my brain to process, i held his head as he drove a finger inside me, curved it and began to flick my g-spot, his tongue gently stroking my clit, slow, wet strokes back and forth… He said nothing, he knew he had me exactly where he wanted me… “Fuck me please, just fuck me” – I said
Ade got up, grabbed his wallet from his back pocket, brought out a condom and wore on his cock, I turned around, my hands placed on the wall, ass resting on his thighs as he shoved his cock inside me… “Hmmmm, yessss” – I moaned.
Ade grabbed my tits with one hand, the other hand dragging my waist back and forth on his dick. “Ohh yesss, yesss, fuck me Harder, fuck me, Ohh yeas fuck, fuck me good” – I screamed, my voice drowned by the music.
He fucked me, his hands rubbing on my tits, my ass clapping on his thighs, him stealing kisses from behind. We were in sync, we both wanted to be fucked. “kiss me” – Ade said as he thrust in and out of me, dragging my hair. His hands grabbed my throat, choking me while my left boob hung outside my dress. This man fucked me until he felt me spasm on his cock… “Don’t cum, I didn’t say you could cum” – Ade said and took out his dick, leaving me…
I grabbed his dick just before he could put on his trousers “I would cut it off and fuck myself with it, if you play this game with me” – I said, matter of factly.
He laughed, I grabbed one of the party chairs we used for the dance competition outside and I asked him to sit on it.
I lowered my pussy on his dick, slapping my big boobs on his face. “Lick them” – I said.
Ade grabbed one of them, his tongue licking as I rode his dick, my ass going all the way up to the tip and then going back down in one fell swoop. “Arrghhh, Ohh damnnnn” – He moaned, holding my waist, smacking my ass, impelling me to go faster.
We were both hot, hard cock in wet warm pussy, titties clapping in his face, ass bouncing on his thighs. “Hmmmm, aahhh, fucckkk, yeaaasss, yesss, ohhh fucckkk me, fuck me good, fuck me
harder, fuck yes” I bucked and whined my hips as I reached orgasm… I made to stand up but Ade held me by the waist, thrusting his dick farther and farther inside me, grunting and moaning, his head buried in my boobs, screams of “Fuckkkkkk” as he reached orgasm too.
I felt his dick pulsating inside me, before getting up. He took off the condom and said “Your name is Ada, I remember now” •••••
A lady opened the cell I was in.
“come with me” – She said
I was outside now, it was raining.
“sit here” – She said and continued. “I want to help you, you just have to tell me the truth ok?”
I nodded, I was too tired.
She continued- “you said that you have only been to this house twice, when was the first time?” “Last month” – I replied.
She nodded her head and asked. “This time around, that you went there, did you see any other girl there? “No ma, only my cousin came there one day with one of Ade’s friends but they left immediately”
She said OK. “You didn’t see any girl tied in any of the rooms, they did not mention anything about any girl while you were there?” – She asked. “No ma, nothing like that” – I said as the tears poured down my face. “Tell me the truth, I can’t help you, if you don’t tell me the truth” – she said.. “please ma, I heard nothing about no girl, I don’t even know this guy like that, we are just getting to know each other, I am not a bad person, please help me ma. ” – I said, pleading. “I know, but you are already in this problem, you leave school wey your papa and mama send you to, instead you come see man, now see your life, you better tell me the truth, otherwise you see this man wey dey there” – she paused and pointed to bad breath who was standing a bit farther from us “for night, he dey rape girls wey dey inside cell and you be fine girl” – she concluded in pidgin. “haaaa God, please help me ma” – I cried, my head threatening to explode as I pleaded with her… “Na you fit help yourself, come with me to my Oga office”
She got up and I walked behind her, crying, thinking about how much I have failed my parents.
We walked up a couple of stairs until we got to an office, she knocked and a man opened the door… “Sir here is the suspect” – she said immediately we entered…. “Adaaaa” – I heard a man scream… It was my father.
My dad was in the office with my uncle, we call him Chief, he was the richest uncle I had but very stingy. “Daddy, I’m so sorry” – I said. “What are you doing here” – he asked in igbo and turned to the police man who bad breath saluted downstairs. “How is my daughter a suspect?”… “We found her in the house where the boy who picked up the money went to” – The police captain responded.
My father shouted in pidgin “impossible, this my pikin no dey put hand for such thing”
My uncle tapped his legs asking my father to calm down but my father was having none of it.
I couldn’t contain myself, I was relieved, happy and sad all at the same time at least I knew I wasn’t going to die here, my father would not allow it….
• “Ada” – My uncle spoke this time. “For the place where the police arrested you, did you see Amaka there?”.. “”yes sir” – I responded…. “you see, so she know about it” – My uncle shouted at my father…. “Wait, wait wait” – My dad said. “Ada, listen to me, explain everything to me, don’t hide anything, do you understand? ” – my dad said in igbo. “Do you know the people that kidnap amaka?” – he asked…. •• ••
“Kidnap? Amaka was not kidnapped daddy! She is with her boyfriend, her boyfriend is friends with my ‘friend’, he owns the house where police arrested me”
Apparently my cousin connived with her boyfriend who was friends with Ade to rip her father of five million naira.
The day we met at Ade’s place, she kept telling me, if anybody ask you whether you saw me, say no… I laughed, wondering why anyone would ask me about her. We were in different schools, I only travelled to this state to see my boyfriend.
They bound her in a room, took pictures and sent it to my uncle, requesting for five million naira or she dies. My uncle contacted my father a day before I was arrested and they travelled together to Inform the police about the kidnap, they dropped the ransom and amaka’s boyfriend picked the money and came to Ade’s house to get his car.
I was at the market when all of this was happening, completely oblivious. Ade and his friend escaped and when I returned from the market, the police assumed I was part of the kidnapping gang and arrested me for a crime that never happened.
This singular incident made me wary of going to any body’s house.
My father paid my bail and brought me back to Lagos, waited for me to get well before he and my mum descended on me for leaving school to go visit a boy… My cousin spent 4 months in jail and more than 10 years later, I still don’t talk to her… ••
Women and Condoms
So yesterday I saw a tweet, where a man named dumba the damba(actually I gave him this name) said if a woman helps her man to wear a condom and even puts it on properly, the man should wear an extra 3 condoms because apparently the woman is a ho!
My sister, don’t mind this damba o, learn how to wear a condom, buy a pack and practice on a cucumber or a yam (whichever size you take 😉) don’t let no man shame you because you know how to protect yourself.
Learn how to properly wear a condom, its not a knowledge that’s wasted, I preach sexual liberation NOT how to catch infections 101. If you and your partner don’t stick to each other, condoms are a cheaper alternative for protection.
Using condoms during sex gives you rest of mind, you will not be worried and imagining all types of things, asking yourself 1 billion questions like “is this guy safe? Did he cum inside me? I hope I dont get pregnant. What if a small drop entered? When was my last period, hold on let me get my phone so I can check the date… Now you are pressing phone immediately after sex to check your last period date, uncle is getting angry because he’s feeling like the sex wasn’t good enough for you which is why you are pressing your phone, he is now giving you attitude, you don’t know where the attitude is coming from, so you give your own back and now you guys have broken up all because you decided not to wear a condom! 🙄🙄 (I’m being dramatic, I know, but you get the point😒) Your life will be a whole lot easier and healthier if you protect yourself during sex. Like seriously, just Imagine you die, like serious cold painful death not nollywood “I aff die” because of N500 condom, do you see how ridiculous it sounds? All the excuses you are giving as reasons why you don’t use condoms will be nothing more than excuses then.
Infact Ladies, wearing a condom on your favourite toy and then using that toy to fuck yourself can help you spot the difference quicker, when the condom is torn during physical intimacy with your partner •••
There are so many diseases in the world, your survival depends on how far you are willing to go to protect yourself. Condoms are a necessity and your knowledge as a woman on how to properly wear one should not be up for discussion.
The number 1 complaint most people have with regards to condom usage is that; it’s less “sweeter” than skin to skin penetration, well if you had bought my vagina sweetener, you won’t have this problem, besides would you rather die than enjoy the “half-sweet” sex. The choice is completely yours.
Another complaint I hear a lot is bruising, Infact I know women who experience adverse reactions when condoms are used, my advice to them is to buy different brands, try them out to find the one that works best for their skin. Some women also have bad latex allergy, that cause them to bruise badly and sometimes even lead to death, (latex is the stretchy material used to make condoms). There are brands that make non-latex condoms for women and men who have these allergies. You must protect yourself by all means, how else will you feel good and relax like they do in the movies after sex? You know that, peace of mind, that good glow that comes after sex, the slowing of your heavy breathing, the happiness that wells in your stomach, the wetness dripping down your thighs, that man rubbing on your hair and giving your forehead kisses… Tell me how else will you have rest of mind to enjoy it, if you don’t use condoms? 😒