What You Deserve

There’s a certain kind of FOLLY that comes with craving someone more than you need air. It feels like you become a puppet, constantly gliding and turning as they pull your imaginary strings.

“turn now, turn here, no stop, go there, come to me, crawl while doing it” – you are at their mercy. Every word they speak, every head turn, you are always listening, watching attentively. You do not want to miss a second.

Your entire being is poised to serve them, you want to become a part of their routine, to know what they like so you can proactively give it to them without them asking for it. Your wellbeing takes a back seat, your wants, your innermost desires all change in one split motion to revolve around this person. Suddenly you don’t want to go to school in Enugu because this person lives in a different city, you won’t take that job because you believe that will reduce the amount of time you get to spend with them. We become blind even to the most visual flags, it is funny that if one were to ask us at that time, what about this person we like, we will be unable to state it. We literally lose our minds, our rationality and our need for self-preservation. We become foolish, blind and foolish.

Such was my foolishness with Zem

From my first conversation with zem, it felt like I was speaking to the male version of myself. I looked forward to when we would video call, the messages, the instagram tags, twitter mentions, every waking moment was spent looking forward to our next chat. I am a woman who’s turned on by intelligence, I want to be asked existential questions, I want someone who wants to know why things are the way they are, who displays empathy and kindness in everything they do, who understands that humans are fragile and that fragility cuts across every social class and race. Zem is the most intelligent man I know, we bonded fast, I did not mean to fall for him, didn’t want to but I found myself at his mercy every time we spoke.
I wanted to do things to him, to punish him for making me feel the things I was feeling. When I talked to him, I would day dream about a day I would ask him to speak to my pussy or to kiss him.

“Ada, hellloooo” – he would say, breaking my reverie.

“I’m hearing you na, Haba” – I would reply. It was a lie, I wasn’t listening. I was day dreaming.

Most of my mornings were spent masturbating to the thought of him.

“This is wrong Ada, he isn’t yours, he will never be yours” – I would stop only after I had cum to remind myself that Zem is married.


If the spotlight is shone on you long enough, you’d begin to believe that you are the star of the show and that this was a go-ahead for you to perform. Zem gave me so much attention, I began to feel like I was the star of his show.

I got entangled way too fast, way too deep and then one day, when I couldn’t bare it anymore, I asked zem to hang out with me. He didn’t think too much of it and was excited about it. We went out with some other friends and we had drinks and after we were done, I said I couldn’t go home and that he should get me a hotel room to sleep in.
When we got to the hotel, I was literally sweating like a pig, I was stuttering, cold sweats pouring from my pores.

“Ada think about this, do you want to ruin this friendship” – I asked myself… My pussy said– “Yes, Let’s ruin it. Fuck friendship, look at him, see his cute lips, imagine me on his lips, imagine your lips on his lips, he looks like a licker, he’s going to s…”

“Adaaa, my gosh, where do you travel to? Do you want breakfast or no?” – zem asked.

“I want” – I smiled and responded.

We walked up the stairs in silence, I was more in a raging silent war on the inside.

He put the key card to the door –

Head — “Don’t do it Ada”.
Vagina – – Do it, my precious”

“this room is nice Ada, looks cool right” – zem said.

I smiled weirdly. My blood was racing…

Head– Don’t do it
Vagina– we are gonna get fucked, yeaaa, woahh”

“I like the painting on the wall, I’m going to take a picture of it” – Zem said.

“uhun” – I shook my head, that same weird smile on my face, the battle of the organs fiercely draining me.

Head – – “shut up, let him go home to his family”.
Vagina – – He’s nasty as fuck and I can bet my life he can fuck you good.

“errm Ada…” – zem started to say as he sat down on the couch in the hotel room.

Vagina – – it’s now or never…
Head – – dontttttt!


I sat close to him, my body quivering under all that pressure…

“ermm Ada, I don’t kn..” – he continued saying.

I didn’t let him finish before I started kissing him, it was electric, our bodies were in sync. We gave deep sensual kisses, it felt like we were in love. I moved closer and sat astride him, pressing my boobs in his face. Deep long breaths as we basked in each other’s Sweetness… Here, at that moment, I was the star, and I was going to give the greatest performance ever.

I got up, and slowly began to remove my dress, watching him intently just as I have always done. I took off my bra, one strap after the other, letting my breasts hang.

“you are beautiful” – he said.

“can you see this belly though” – I asked.

“na, no no, you are beautiful” – he retorted.

I knelt down, my glasses parked on the arch of my nose, as I unbuttoned his shirt & jeans and brought out his dick.
And I just buried it my mouth, taking long slurps, spitting, then licking it all back…
I wanted him to never look at me the same again. I was going bat shit crazy.

Thigh kisses, belly kisses, nipple licks, stroke his neck with my tongue and then kiss him, my tongue searching his mouth before making my way down to his dick..

I would twirl my tongue from cap to base, stroking his balls with my small hands. Grab his dick and place it in between my big boobs and fuck it slowly at first, before picking up the pace. My tongue pointed downwards to lick the cap of his dick as it went out and into my boobs.

“uhhhn gawd, fuckkk” – zem moaned.

Kiss me, he said. – I would stop and slowly place my body on his, kissing him, making sure he felt the softness of my skin.

We kissed like lovers and the night felt like it wouldn’t come to an end.I would sit on top of him, my pussy grinding on his thighs as I leaned forward to kiss him.
Zem held me, we were ready to make love, we wanted each other.

But i was one for theatrics, I didn’t want us to rush. I slowly got up from his body and knelt in front of him, my hands strolling gently on his legs as I kissed his hard cock.

Slow wet swipes at first, then pick up the pace, with my tongue doing a 360 twirl on his dick.
“ummm, ahhhh” – I moaned as I kicked him.

My mouth swallowing and spitting out dick at any pace my vagina directs me.

Just as I was about to get back on top of him, his phone rang.
It was his wife.

The moment that happened, it was as if, every foolishness we both had disappeared. I got up from the ground, the disgust at myself slowly creeping in while he dressed up to leave.

“ermm I have to go now, I promised my family we would do something together this evening, I’m sorry – he said as he left me in the room to deal with my thoughts.

We haven’t seen or spoken since then. I miss my friend, but I cannot reach out, like I don’t even want sex anymore.

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